Loss

[Finney]

34 years ago today my wife and I held our youngest son as he died. Some years its is easier to deal with, today has been the worst one for a while. Jake was in Vanderbilt Children's hospital off and on for 1-1/2 years. He had great care and suffered very little.

My wife would stay with him during the week and I went down Friday night after work and stayed until Monday morning so she could go home and be with the 2 other boys. 

I thought I was tough and could deal with anything, but i found out different. I would get to feeling sorry for my self but could walk down the hall and see kids in much worse condition. What was the worst was i saw kids suffer and die and no family was every there. They were never along but no family.

I saw the country music stars come through the wing at Christmas with their people and cameras getting pictures of them with the kids. I had went down to cafeteria one night around midnight. When I returned there was a lady in the hall rocking a baby. She looked so familiar, I asked Jakes nurse who she was. It was Sarah Cannon (Minni Peral) the nurses said she would come by in the middle of the night and ask if they had a baby that needed rocking, no camera's or people, just her and a rocking chair.  

A hard thing to deal with for me was who supported you and who did not. The people who want everyone to how good they were not there and I know its wrong but I grew to hate them. The guys I worked with were the best. They supported me, when i would have to leave during the week and stay the night at the hospital and drive back to work the next morning. They had my back when things were bad.  Our yard was mowed every week while I was at work, Food would be sitting on the porch lots of evening when I got home.                                               I went to the store one evening to get food for me and the boys, when I got up to the counter to pay the girl rang it up and said its already paid for. When I questioned the girl she called the manager over. He said two big guys came in and gave him a roll of cash to pay for our groceries and if he told me who it was they would come back a whip him, he said I believed them.

Sorry for the long rant

Jake Ethan Hawks, born Aug. 2 1989   Died April 5 1992

[Wes806]

Sorry about your loss. I know what it's like to lose a child as I loss my my son in a house fire back in 89. Was living with my ex wife . It hurts more at times then other time's 

[Alan Dinan]

Sorry for your loss, Finney. 

[ray54]

Man you are hitting me hard lost our oldest at 45 last year  Mar 13 . Mostly do ok, but some days are a lot worse than others. Small tear in the Aortae bleed internally until his organs quit because of not enough blood.  But much worse for his wife and children 12 and 15. But many great people have stepped up to help with kids. Granddaughter was just in NY with a local ballet dance group. Grandson was in Arizona to see baseball spring training and BPA baseball tournament he played in. Both things this old farm boy really knows nothing about how to help with.

This is hard but still no way to understand, know, or compare to the pain you had to deal with. My prayer for higher powers to comfort you and yours.

[Farmall1066]

Sorry Finney, Wes, and Ray for your losses!! My wife and I never got lucky enough to conceive, and were on different grief paths when adoption conversations took place.  We don’t have kids, and I can’t fathom having kids, and losing one.  Prayers for the 3 of you and your families from MN!! 🙏🏻

[New Englander]

I can't imagine your pain. My sincerest condolence.

Even though I constantly see people doing wrong so often that I've adopted  "people suck" as my comment on them it's heartwarming to hear of the ones who clearly don't suck who stepped up to help you out in your time of need. There's hope.  

[iowaboy1965]

Condolences to Finney, Wes and Ray. That's got to be one of the roughest situations in life.....

[TroyDairy]

Tough deal.

Someone told me you never "get over" losing a child.  You just go along.  

Friends lost their 22 yo son to suicide 2 winters ago.  60 years old and he looks 80 now.  Just sapped him and wife.

 

A church friend moved to OK 5 years ago.  Keep in touch when they are up.  Killed himself in 11/24 over a fight with his wife.  Just ****** me off frankly.  2 teen boys and great woman now empty and sad.  His father lost a daughter to a farm accident and now adult son.  Guy is a shell.

 

Those of you whove lost children...man a special prayer for all 

[Dirt_Floor_Poor]

That’s a very tough situation, I don’t know what to say. I agree 100% with the comments about the children’s hospital. One of my sons spent quite a bit of time in one years ago. He was in bad shape, but we always had a lot of hope he would recover, which he did. We saw kids die in intensive care who were in the foster system who had no one. Saying it was heart wrenching is an understatement. My dad had three siblings who died as infants. I don’t know how my grandparents did it, I guess they were just tougher. I will say a prayer for strength for you guys. 

[VacDaddyt]

I can not imagine...

[sandhiller]

Finny, Wes, Ray

My heart goes out to you guys

I have boys but have not experienced loss like you have so can only imagine the effect it has on you. 

All I can offer is prayers of comfort and understanding. 

 

Finny, thank you for the story about Minnie Pearl, truly an Angel during her time on earth

[cobfly]

13 hours ago, Finney said:

34 years ago today my wife and I held our youngest son as he died. Some years its is easier to deal with, today has been the worst one for a while. Jake was in Vanderbilt Children's hospital off and on for 1-1/2 years. He had great care and suffered very little.

My wife would stay with him during the week and I went down Friday night after work and stayed until Monday morning so she could go home and be with the 2 other boys. 

I thought I was tough and could deal with anything, but i found out different. I would get to feeling sorry for my self but could walk down the hall and see kids in much worse condition. What was the worst was i saw kids suffer and die and no family was every there. They were never along but no family.

I saw the country music stars come through the wing at Christmas with their people and cameras getting pictures of them with the kids. I had went down to cafeteria one night around midnight. When I returned there was a lady in the hall rocking a baby. She looked so familiar, I asked Jakes nurse who she was. It was Sarah Cannon (Minni Peral) the nurses said she would come by in the middle of the night and ask if they had a baby that needed rocking, no camera's or people, just her and a rocking chair.  

A hard thing to deal with for me was who supported you and who did not. The people who want everyone to how good they were not there and I know its wrong but I grew to hate them. The guys I worked with were the best. They supported me, when i would have to leave during the week and stay the night at the hospital and drive back to work the next morning. They had my back when things were bad.  Our yard was mowed every week while I was at work, Food would be sitting on the porch lots of evening when I got home.                                               I went to the store one evening to get food for me and the boys, when I got up to the counter to pay the girl rang it up and said its already paid for. When I questioned the girl she called the manager over. He said two big guys came in and gave him a roll of cash to pay for our groceries and if he told me who it was they would come back a whip him, he said I believed them.

Sorry for the long rant

Jake Ethan Hawks, born Aug. 2 1989   Died April 5 1992

There's good in all bad.

[TN Hillbilly]

Sincere condolences to y'all.

Can't imagine losing one of mine. It is my worst fear.

[dale560]

15 hours ago, Finney said:

34 years ago today my wife and I held our youngest son as he died. Some years its is easier to deal with, today has been the worst one for a while. Jake was in Vanderbilt Children's hospital off and on for 1-1/2 years. He had great care and suffered very little.

My wife would stay with him during the week and I went down Friday night after work and stayed until Monday morning so she could go home and be with the 2 other boys. 

I thought I was tough and could deal with anything, but i found out different. I would get to feeling sorry for my self but could walk down the hall and see kids in much worse condition. What was the worst was i saw kids suffer and die and no family was every there. They were never along but no family.

I saw the country music stars come through the wing at Christmas with their people and cameras getting pictures of them with the kids. I had went down to cafeteria one night around midnight. When I returned there was a lady in the hall rocking a baby. She looked so familiar, I asked Jakes nurse who she was. It was Sarah Cannon (Minni Peral) the nurses said she would come by in the middle of the night and ask if they had a baby that needed rocking, no camera's or people, just her and a rocking chair.  

A hard thing to deal with for me was who supported you and who did not. The people who want everyone to how good they were not there and I know its wrong but I grew to hate them. The guys I worked with were the best. They supported me, when i would have to leave during the week and stay the night at the hospital and drive back to work the next morning. They had my back when things were bad.  Our yard was mowed every week while I was at work, Food would be sitting on the porch lots of evening when I got home.                                               I went to the store one evening to get food for me and the boys, when I got up to the counter to pay the girl rang it up and said its already paid for. When I questioned the girl she called the manager over. He said two big guys came in and gave him a roll of cash to pay for our groceries and if he told me who it was they would come back a whip him, he said I believed them.

Sorry for the long rant

Jake Ethan Hawks, born Aug. 2 1989   Died April 5 1992

Sorry for your families loss. Spent a fair amount of time in hospitals and clinics with the wife and kids. The saddest part was sitting in the waiting room where they did infusion therapy and just knowing some of those children were not going to survive the treatments. Another thing was with our daughter had Botox treatments for muscle stiffness due to cerebral palsy. You would not know she is affected until you watched her for a few days. The children that were severely affected by cp were there also many times and it gave you a guilty feeling as a parent that your child wasn’t as crippled as the others.

And as you say about true friends they show through. It is just something nice to come home to a mowed lawn or food on the table for the kids. And as always the ones that can afford it the least give and help the most in a time of need.

[CRVB91]

Grief is like glitter.

In the beginning, it's everywhere.. on your hands, in your hair, scattered across every corner of your life.

You try to clean it up, to restore some sense of order,and for a while, it seems like you've succeeded. But then one day, you move a sofa or open a forgotten drawer, and there it is again - a tiny sparkle that catches the light and reminds you of what you lost. It doesn't go away completely. It settles, becomes quieter, less overwhelming. You learn to live with it, to carry it gently. And years later, when you find a bit of that glitter tucked behind a shelf, you might smile. Maybe even laugh. Because it reminds you of love, of connection, of someone who mattered deeply.

Eventually, something will catch your eye.. a photo, a favorite song, a familiar scent, and instead of pain, you'll feel warmth. That's the quiet truth about grief. It stays with you, but it changes. It becomes a part of your story, a soft echo of the love that never really left.

[Finney]

Thanks for all the kind words.

[Gabriella Cook]

a week before Christmas   two of my cousins  were found dead in there trailer home, he shot her and shot himself, they left there 8 yr old daughter with some random person for a week, and we found out they were gone a week, she now lives with us and shes not the same anymore, her grandmother is an alcoholic now, and her great grandmom is not the same, now sits in a corner mumblin the whole day

[Gabriella Cook]

gone a week... before the cops showed to there house, no one reported the 6 gunshots to her and one to himself 

[Rawleigh99]

I cannot imagine the losses you all have endured.  I have been very lucky in that regard with no untimely deaths in the family.  My prayers are with you!

[acem]

My heart goes out for y'all.

Dad said you expect to loose your parents, maybe your wife, brother, sister and friends but not your kids.

Dad was born in 1926 (second youngest) before modern antibiotics and childhood immunizations. They had a big family but a fourth of them didn't make it to adulthood. All died from various illnesses. 

[JaredT]

I cant imagine losing a child, it's one of my few fears in life. My sympathies and condolences.

[hardtail]

I can't imagine the pain and loss you have gone through but I admire the support and comments from others, this is a great site❤️

[Lazy WP]

We have a neighbor who lost 2 of their children a couple weeks ago. One of their other children got a hold of a shotgun and pulled the trigger. 
He is a heavy hauler so I am sure he wasn’t home when it happened. 
Terrible terrible happening. 
I can’t imagine