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A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit,

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A cowboy rides into town and his first stop is at the saloon to quench his thirst. The bartender is known to be a gambling man and a drinker, so when the cowboy enters and orders a whiskey the bartender get the bottle and glass out and while he is pouring he asks the cowboy if he is a betting man. 

"I've been known to." Said the cowboy

The bartender says "how would you like to a free drink?"

"Sure" says the cowboy. "What do you want to bet on?"

The bartender thinks for a second and says "I bet you a whiskey that you cant make your horse laugh."

Without saying a word the cowboy gets up, walks to his horse thats tied up right outside the door and whispers in the horses ear.

All of a sudden the horse is cracking up. He is laughing so hard he falls over and has a hard time recovering.  he's rolling in the street, kicking his feet. He's laughing so hard he has tears in his eyes.

The Cowboy walks to the bar and slams down the whiskey as the bartend is standing in disbelief.

After a few minutes of thinking of how to get even, the bartender asks if he would like to go double or nothing. 

"Sure" says the cowboy. What do you suggest. 

The bartender says he will give him a bottle of whiskey if he can make your horse cry.

Without saying a word, the cowboy gets up and walks in front of his horse. The bartender cant see what the cowboy is doing but as the cowboy turns towards the bar, the horse is sobbing. The dang horse wont shut up. He's sobbing and crying, its really disturbing to see such a big animal broken like that. 

The cowboy is at the bar waiting for his bottle.

"Before I hand this over" said the bartender " I gotta know how you made your horse laugh."

"Simple" said the cowboy. "I whispered into his ear that my co@k was bigger than his. I knew he would find that funny"

"That makes sense" said the bartender. "But how did you make him cry???"

"Simple" said the cowboy. "I stood in front of him, opened my pants and showed him!!"

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This year, for Christmas   im going to get my Mule a life alert in case he slips and falls.

It will automatically call my Vet and say, 

"I have fallen and I cant giddyup"

 

 

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31 minutes ago, lorenzo said:

This year, for Christmas   im going to get my Mule a life alert in case he slips and falls.

It will automatically call my Vet and say, 

"I have fallen and I cant giddyup"

 

 

The Vet would probably call you and tell you to quit being an A$$ 

:)

i know, I know donkey not mule but I couldn't resist

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On 12/15/2016 at 6:52 AM, Misshillskinefarms said:

This is a Riddle

It is 3 in the morning, you're sleeping and you hear the door bell. It's your parents who show up for a surprise breakfast. You've got the strawberry jam, honey, bread, and cheese. What do you open first?

The Door I suppose.

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Yesterday I had to go to the  emergency room, I had a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around my neck.
Naturally the doctor asks me what happened.
"Well, it was like this, "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt.

Thats when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?", asked the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This looks like yours!"
 

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Worst job.jpg

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Two Catholic priests were driving along when they came apon a police checkpoint. They pulled up and ask a police officer what is wrong. The officer replies they are searching for a child molester. The priest converses with the other priest for a few seconds, then turns back to the policeman and says.....

"We'll do it"

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14 hours ago, Cattech said:

Two Catholic priests were driving along when they came apon a police checkpoint. They pulled up and ask a police officer what is wrong. The officer replies they are searching for a child molester. The priest converses with the other priest for a few seconds, then turns back to the policeman and says.....

"We'll do it"

Not your best work Cattech

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This IS a true story though.

Since flying solo at the shop, the need to lock up to run errands occurs daily.

Since the hands of my plastic clock froze and broke off and to advise customers my return time, I improvised.

I hang a paper shopping bag on the door that I simply wrote "Return in 45 minutes"

On the reverse side I wrote "Return in 20 minutes"

Came back yesterday to see someone wrote" From when?"

I wrote beside it, "From when I left"

Spose I should go buy another plastic door clock...

 

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