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While riding my motorcycle, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch and severely banged my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful women who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for. "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.


She said, “get in and I will take you to my house so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.” "That's nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife will like me doing that! "Oh, come now, I am a nurse" she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly.

"Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive and being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset, so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of ****s I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything and by the way, where is she?" I replied,
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"Still in the ditch with my motorcycle, I guess."

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Someone needs to make an alarm clock that sounds like a dog about to Vomit.

Nothing makes you jump out of bed faster then that.

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12 hours ago, lorenzo said:

omeone needs to make an alarm clock that sounds like a dog about to Vomit.

Nothing makes you jump out of bed faster then that.

Agree wholeheartedly :D

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Never fall in love with a woman for her looks, but rather for her personality. They usually have several, so just pick one to love!

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Women and toilet seats.jpg

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...A man got on a bus..with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls..and sat down next to a beautifull blonde.

...The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging  pockets

..Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "its   golf  balls "

...The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

...After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked

...."Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?"

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Mike Newman - good one.

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A Liberal went into a nuthouse for a visit and asked the Director "how do you know that someone needs to come here?" The Director answers "that is easy we fill a bathtub with water and give that person a spoon, a cub, and a bucket and tell to empty the tub!" The Liberal being a smartass says "Oh that is easy I'll use the bucket because its bigger!" "Your totally wrong" says the Director "to empty the tub you pull the plug, we happen to have a room empty for you."

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11 hours ago, mike_newman said:

...A man got on a bus..with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls..and sat down next to a beautifull blonde.

...The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging  pockets

..Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "its   golf  balls "

...The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

...After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked

...."Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?"

Reminds me of........

A blonde and a redhead are in an elevator.  Elevator stops, man gets in and stands in front of them facing the door.  As it passes from floor to floor blonde notices dandruff on the shoulders of the man's suite.  She nudges the redhead and points to the dandruff.  The redhead whispers to the blonde "He needs Head & Shoulders".

The blonde thinks for a minute w/ a puzzled look on her face and finally whispers to the redhead "How do you give shoulders?"

 

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Where white man went wrong.jpg

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10 hours ago, Steve C. said:

Where white man went wrong.jpg

I've seen that one before, but we'll worth reading again!   I knew I was born 200 years too late...

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Just a reminder to you all on the Forum. I watch Lotto results . If any of you win big I will research until I find that I am related to you !  :lol:

Seriously, I am sure if any of us would hit big we would meet friends and relatives that we did not know we had !

So until later. See you all later, Cousins !

Bill

 

 

 

 

 

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I am on the Board here in the Condos where I live. The other day a resident called me and said he had a problem with Ants and did I have any advice to help him ? I emailed back that I had no problem with Ants but I had a problem with an Uncle one time.

The election for a new Board member is tomorrow !

 

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On 3/10/2013 at 3:22 PM, MTO said:

One question in a medical school exam asked; Rearrange these letters, PNESI, to spell an important part of the body that is more useful when erect.

Those who spelled "SPINE" became doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.

Cute one

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"A couple hours of sunshine and we should be back in the field"

IMG_4701.JPG

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7 minutes ago, Sledgehammer said:

"A couple hours of sunshine and we should be back in the field"

IMG_4701.JPG

Yea that's good. I wanna see that.:):)

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Meanwhile in Russia, they found a way to make money with snow lol

Russland.png.46fb4530537824b0bf2f84917b4e8b55.png

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Beatles vs Stones.jpg

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Do you know what it means when a redneck has chew running out both sides of his mouth?

The trailer is level.

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