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I know we can't have a joke thread anymore but...........................


sandhiller
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I think cute little kids are exempted anyway.😉

 

After a Nationally celebrated three days of Labor weekend chousing cows and hauling hay I needed this. 

It comes from the little girl daughter of a she dj on Y2K today. 

It helps to picture her saying it in a cute little voice. 

So she says she says. 

 

Why is it so hard to keep a secret on a farm?

 

Because all the potatoes have eyes and the corns have ears.............

 

Brought the first honest smile of the day to my face😃

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I knew of another little girl with cute  blond curls who had a cute little kitten whom she had named porky.

So we were sitting at a restaurant and I asked "did you name him that because he was kinda on the chubby side"?

No, she answered, I called him that because he likes to screw pigs!!!!!!!

BADA BING BADA BOOM.

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D8DDC787-359A-482D-87B0-3AACCCD210B7.thumb.jpeg.c050f048e15a51aabd9e0bcc7441bf00.jpegNot really a joke but I’m sure some will find it funny. I purchased a new dryer for my parents and installed it three years ago. Every time I visited and used it I would curse the door for not opening all the way down. The other day I used it and grabbed at the door without pressing the latch and the darned thing swung open to the side giving better access. Guess I should have read the instructions!! 🤣🤣8BC17F37-8CAD-4C82-BA08-E0031189758D.thumb.jpeg.b32df4fdf9a7156d54f5391c1bb57d55.jpeg

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Many years ago an old widow called me frantic.

There is a snake in my house. Can you please come shoot it!?!?

Yeah, I'll be right over.

I arrive and ask where the snake is?

Under the washer. It keeps sticking it's head out.

I looked but it didn't look like a snake to me. I turned the washer off. The belt was separating. Part of the belt was slinging out from under the bottom and she thought it was a snake.

Thx-Ace 

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14 hours ago, MarkG said:

D8DDC787-359A-482D-87B0-3AACCCD210B7.thumb.jpeg.c050f048e15a51aabd9e0bcc7441bf00.jpegNot really a joke but I’m sure some will find it funny. I purchased a new dryer for my parents and installed it three years ago. Every time I visited and used it I would curse the door for not opening all the way down. The other day I used it and grabbed at the door without pressing the latch and the darned thing swung open to the side giving better access. Guess I should have read the instructions!! 🤣🤣8BC17F37-8CAD-4C82-BA08-E0031189758D.thumb.jpeg.b32df4fdf9a7156d54f5391c1bb57d55.jpeg

Instead of a joke thread, we could make a "duh" thread. God knows I'd have more than a few moments to contribute...

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Another widow flagged me down in the road. She was waving her hands frantically. I stopped and she started rattling on but I couldn't understand a thing she said. She had lost her voice box and 'talked' through a tube. Finally she settled down a bit and was saying 'snake,  snake,  snake'! I asked where and she said refrigerator! I asked her what she wanted me to do about it. Of course it was 'shoot it'. Needless to say I was a little apprehensive about shooting a snake in a refrigerator but I went in to check it out.

I was expecting a cold slow moving snake in the refrigerator but there was no snake. There was a small hole in it gasket. I guess the snake would get in the refrigerator for a snack and leave.

I never found the snake. I swear she would have had me shoot it in the refrigerator if it was in there...

Thx-Ace 

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13 hours ago, KWRB said:

Instead of a joke thread, we could make a "duh" thread. God knows I'd have more than a few moments to contribute...

I could contribute lots too. Probably shouldnt admit that though hahaga.

Last night I hooked the 1682 up.  I got everything going and yep all is working as it should. Except the pickup wouldn't turn. It runs off the tractor hydraulics. Well I could see the motor was moving enough to tighten the chain. Figured well maybe it's tight from sitting. So I'm going back and forth around the tractor trying to help the belts turn. Nope, feels like it's jamming, and not gonna turn.  Go back, check the hoses, etc. Nothing. What the heck. Looked at the monitor again and the pickup speed dial was turned right down...... turned it up a bit and away it went..... lol. Duh!!  😂

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On 9/7/2022 at 8:46 AM, KWRB said:

Instead of a joke thread, we could make a "duh" thread. God knows I'd have more than a few moments to contribute...

photo_2022-08-26_06-51-37.thumb.jpg.3e79d4c38e03c81b2957797bb63939f7.jpg

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On 9/9/2022 at 8:49 PM, 1256pickett said:

That is so funny but at the same time almost sad

...what also might fit your comment, pickett, was an incident a few days ago, where I seem to be spending my penultimate days....(or daze ...)   was a comment made by one of the Station's manager 's  , whilst giving me some very brief tuition...in a very new John Deere...which has a few ''buttons'' to press..instead of a gear lever..................

There is a slot for a cell phone thing..this on the right  side of the cab..along with various''icons'  which make various changes to various things , within the tractors  various  bowels...  (yes...there are about eight JD tractors on these two big Stations and they  do   crap themselves at various  intervals....)...Thus the Farm Manager..basically a good bloke, showed me with a rather pointed gesture...how to place ''my '' cell phone in the appropriate   slot......So I pulled out my six inch Crescent ...and placed it reverently into this slot ...I have carried  one of these around for 30 odd years...but I have never owned a cell phone...and never will...mainly due to the fact that there is zero coverage where I live........

You had to be there., I guess......but it was yet another ''head shaking '' moment for the Farm Manager.....but I explained how that little American  made  6 inch Crescent has got me out of trouble many times..it dosen't take pictures   though.......................................................;)

Mike

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You made my day Mr Newman. I can only imagen. I think a JD  from 05-09 time, was the newest thing I have been in 😵 way more buttons than I knew what to do with.  I just had to steer so the baler stayed on the windrow.

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On 9/8/2022 at 3:50 AM, acem said:

Another widow flagged me down in the road. She was waving her hands frantically. I stopped and she started rattling on but I couldn't understand a thing she said. She had lost her voice box and 'talked' through a tube. Finally she settled down a bit and was saying 'snake,  snake,  snake'! I asked where and she said refrigerator! I asked her what she wanted me to do about it. Of course it was 'shoot it'. Needless to say I was a little apprehensive about shooting a snake in a refrigerator but I went in to check it out.

I was expecting a cold slow moving snake in the refrigerator but there was no snake. There was a small hole in it gasket. I guess the snake would get in the refrigerator for a snack and leave.

I never found the snake. I swear she would have had me shoot it in the refrigerator if it was in there...

Thx-Ace 

 

Talking of picking up widows on the side of the road.

A few years back i was driving along in the car on my own and I picked up a hitchhiker.

Well a couple of miles into the journey and the conversation was flagging he asked me why had I picked him up as for all I knew he could have been a serial killer.

 

I told him that I was not worried about that as what were the chances of 2 serial killers being in one car together?

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