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Probably anyone with young kids has thought of this. At least I do. My oldest kid is 7, so I've got some time to think about it. 

What's the best way to prevent your kids from falling into the wrong path of drugs? My parents never gave me any talk. I was offered about everything there was in high school and turned it down. If they asked me a second time they got the point the second time when my fist come into contact with their nose. I was what most refer to as a redneck, loud truck driving fool. 

My thoughts are obviously stay involved with them, ask questions. I feel programs like FFA, and 4H are a good start in surrounding them with good country kids. Might be a corny topic but it's something I think of especially when I have a encounter with someone that's strung out. 

Comments?? 

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I was lucky, When my kids went to school they were told cigarettes were bad  and we had a small school  the bad things about Drugs was pushed hard also 

 we was LUCKY 

IF you tell them every day you love them and show them what drugs do you will have a good start

I had a friend growing up in the 60's and 70's his father used to drive him and his siblings around the city on sunday after church and show them the junkies on the streets,

That put the fear of god in them!!!

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I never did drugs, never allowed drinking to become a problem, though I really do enjoy beer, never really did enjoy being drunk. It was clear to me from day 1 that my parents wouldn’t tolerate drugs/drinking and they lead by example. I think be someone your kids look up to, do as i say not as i do doesn’t really work. 

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Booze was my monkey but I wasn’t about to let my kids go down that road they probably saw to much as it was but working two jobs and also having a good wife I was able to fall under the  phrase “functional alcoholic “. And the past 10 years dry have been great and my kids are totally on side with it.

Both of my kids were trying to go down the bad friends drug use crowd, I wouldn’t let them, I know this sounds simplistic, and it is, but it’s not, it took determination and a lot of time, daytime and nighttime, and a lot of talking about the roads that aren’t the roads to a functioning adulthood, these periods were a mid teen on both of them and being involved in sports, special interests, and family ventures that kept them busy and away from the sh*trat element helped a lot, being on their side but not being their “best friend “ also was a help.

The big thing is you think you notice something going on or something is amiss don’t think to yourself it isn’t something your kid would do because he/she is your kid, follow through and find out if it is something because usually as a parent our instincts are bang on. 

And don’t be afraid to talk to them about the seedy crap that goes on around everyone, hiding our heads doesn’t help but being vocal does, the little buggers are too important to let them do and go whichever way they want, they will fight you, why? They are testing you, so you fight them right back, my kids right now are in their mid and late 40s and good members of society and are both returning the service back to society.

Kind of long winded but even though I stepped out of the family life at 16 my parents were still a force in my life and then getting married at 20 they handed off to the aforementioned good wife, and don’t ever think a subject on kids is corny, this is our future if we don’t fight for them the trash running our countries sure as **** will not care an iota, good luck my friend, with your query I know bloody well you are on the right path and on solid ground.

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I’ve had the same thoughts and there are some very good answers above. I would add to try and put them in a place where they will find and keep good friends. I dont mind a beer once in a while but last 6 pack lasted 2 months. I never did drugs because I was not going to disappoint my Dad like that and none of my friends did. I have had the same core group of buddies since I was in high school 20 years ago. My high back then was about 25-30’ up in a tree all fall/winter chasing deer. I feel like having good friends kept me away from that stuff more than anything. 

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28 minutes ago, Sledgehammer said:

I’ve had the same thoughts and there are some very good answers above. I would add to try and put them in a place where they will find and keep good friends. I dont mind a beer once in a while but last 6 pack lasted 2 months. I never did drugs because I was not going to disappoint my Dad like that and none of my friends did. I have had the same core group of buddies since I was in high school 20 years ago. My high back then was about 25-30’ up in a tree all fall/winter chasing deer. I feel like having good friends kept me away from that stuff more than anything. 

Same here. Except for the 6 pack lasting 2 months. Only if it were something I can't stand. I'll admit I have more than that. 

And I also wanted to add I know some of us have loved ones that fell that way. This wasn't meant to offend anyone or would anyone could do different. I want to make sure I can do my part 100% to keep my kids GOOD KIDS and this is my way of reaching out to see what i could be doing instead of what I think I should be doing. Make sense? Thanks Dave 

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Oh boy, wish I had a good answer to this one.  We have three kids, all adults now.  Stayed as involved in their lives as possible, church, 4H, and extracurricular activities at school.  Was even brutally honest with them about substance abuse tendencies on both sides of the family.  Two are doing fine, the other is fighting addition and always will be.  Found out much too late that she started using in high school to self medicate for an undiagnosed  psych condition.  She was able to hide it very well for a long time.  Things spiraled out of control in college, has been in and out of rehab since.  Psych condition was finally diagnosed during one rehab session.  When she stays on her meds she does fine but like many others she doesn't like the side effects and tends to stop taking them.  Then the cycle starts all over again.  Thankfully she seems to have her act together at the moment.

Sorry for being so long winded, guess I was just trying to say that there are no guarantees.  Do your best, that's all you can do.  Love them and pray for them and if the worst stills happens be there to support them.  Just don't become an enabler, that's something that is all too easy to do.

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I do think FFA and 4H are good programs.Somehow my parents instilled in me, without telling me that don’t bring shame upon yourself by being caught doing stupid stuff like that. But it’s a lot different world than when I grew up. But I think by asking this question you are already on the right path.

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Keep doing what you’re doing. Set an example! Kids learn by watching!

I’m stern with my son, also 7, but not so much so that he’s afraid to horse around and have some fun.  I’m told he’s a good kid when I’m not around, I certainly hope so.

He had a bully bothering him in school as much as a weekly thing. I finally had a meeting with the school and said if you don’t take care of the bullying problem, I will tell my son the next time he’s bullied to pound the crap out of the other kid. No more problem!

Treat them as a child pushing the boundaries and not as an equal- BECAUSE THEY AREN’T an EQUAL!!! 
Parents need to be parents first. The best friend thing will come years later if at all, but raising children isn’t easy, doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. IF you want respectful children treat them respect and responsibility.  
my 2 cents worth 

 

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I don't know, working through it myself, got one in his early teens.......................So far so good, but being open about things helps.  My dad never talked at all about that stuff, nor did he talk about the sex end of things either, if the topic came up he was the first to flee............I am not like that, talking about it helps and they understand you can talk about it so they will too.  I did adopt my old man's theories on one thing, mine do not get no allowance, and I keep him busy with work and tell him if he is unhappy about it to look around because it isn't going to get any easier in the real world because his rent is just using his two hands to help me which is dirt cheap;)  From my travels in life, to much free time is what gets everyone in trouble...............I never had any, because if I did, I worked somewhere else for $$$$, I wasn't going to move feed with a cart and scoop or dig ditches with a pick all my life like my old man, I was going to buy equipment to make work easier!

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Different perspective here as I'm more of the generation you're talking about. I think good friends are a big part of it. It's easy to get caught up in the going with the flow group but I was fortunate to have some really good friends throughout high school and the years since. I was active in FFA and youth group but most of those were the same people I'd run around with the other nights of the week too and grew up going to church with and knew since preschool. Definitely had friends that knew how to have a good time but nobody was ever into drugs. We knew the kids that could probably get or have them in high school but we didn't associate with them probably because they were different.  We were a pretty closed group.

There's only so much parents can do, I think the kid's peers have more influence since they likely spend more time with the kid. 

Keeping busy helps. My group most always had plenty going on so we didn't have too much time to get into trouble but we usually made time to get together most weekends. There wasn't many weekend nights from the time I could drive through a year or two out of graduation that we were out doing something hanging out somewhere...after getting our work done. We've all grown in to what I hope are productive members of society, young farmers, mechanics, fair board members, church leaders, and some are becoming parents themselves.  

I was always thankful for the other older generation in my life that weren't my parents but were that age, families and people I worked for. Came in contact with many walks of life and most fall into the category of either being someone I'd like to emulate part of them or one I want to work to be nothing like them. Can learn from almost all of them. 

We had a lot of fun and I wouldn't trade it for the world but I wouldn't go back. We all made it through with all our limbs and only a handful of broken bones and no records and a truck load of stories we can look back on. We never ran around with girls in our group so maybe we were missing something but we didn't have those troubles either. 

Always was told "nothing good happens after midnight."

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It is so much more difficult now. When I was young,  the line between right and wrong was very defined. The consequences for poor choices were clearly explained to me.  At home, at school, in public,  etc these expectations were enforced. Now, the lines are blurred. 

Legalization of marijuana for social use, the idea that kids are buddies and we let them do what pleases them,  social acceptance of sins spelled out in the Bible, poor example of behavior from elders to the influential young people have led to advanced social decay.

We as adults have lost the ability to discipline the young. Now, they have the control AND they know it.  My dad would beat my a**, if I stepped over the line. But, that seldom happened BECAUSE I respected him and other elders. Now that respect is gone. Heaven help us now.

Church, 4-H, FFA are still organizations that teach values, skills and social growth. I recommend them.  Be good to your kids, show them mercy and love.  But, remind them that your experience that comes with age.  Ask them to trust you judgment and encourage good behavior.   Responsibility and family time are the best tools for a modern parent to influence a young mind, in my opinion. 

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My kids and stepkids are grown now. I consider myself a good parent since all of them graduated high school and had not reproduced or been arrested yet!

Be careful with school and church youth activities. We had a few minor issues. Be aware of who is in charge and their supervision.

Thx-Ace 

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I was born in ‘85. I was the oldest of 4 boys. I have often thought about this very issue and I can’t come up with a good answer. Me and my brother that is closest to me in age turned out to be very similar adults. My two youngest brothers are nothing like us at all. Me and my brother farm with my dad and have a good relationship with my family and have never been in any trouble, done drugs, drank, etc. Brother # 3 used to farm with us until he got married. Things went downhill fast after that. Him and his wife have not spoken to any of my family in years now. My brother doesn’t do drugs or anything like that and he works hard, but he is not a nice person. I certainly wouldn’t want my kids to turn out like him. The way him and his wife act has been really hard on my dad. My youngest brother hates working hard. He hated farming because he had no work ethic. He got in trouble in college. He went to college for six years, never graduated and is currently unemployed. Although this doesn’t seem to be a problem because his wife’s family is very well off and they support them both financially. We were all told the same things growing up. We all went to church and had the same good role models growing up. My other two brothers just made different choices when they had the chance. I think a person can only do so much and ultimately everyone will make their own decisions. Given my family’s experience I’d say the odds are 50/50 on how they turn out. 

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8 hours ago, Missouri Mule said:

Probably anyone with young kids has thought of this. At least I do. My oldest kid is 7, so I've got some time to think about it. 

What's the best way to prevent your kids from falling into the wrong path of drugs? My parents never gave me any talk. I was offered about everything there was in high school and turned it down. If they asked me a second time they got the point the second time when my fist come into contact with their nose. I was what most refer to as a redneck, loud truck driving fool. 

My thoughts are obviously stay involved with them, ask questions. I feel programs like FFA, and 4H are a good start in surrounding them with good country kids. Might be a corny topic but it's something I think of especially when I have a encounter with someone that's strung out. 

Comments?? 

Do whatever you have to do.  I have a neighbor who only had one kid a boy.  Just pretty much let him do what he wanted.  He was a good kid and hard worker.  Into weight lifting, classic cars and auto body work.  Even had an interest in antique classic farm machinery.  But was kind of wild too doing stupid things like drinking a whole bottle of NyQuil and stupid stuff just to be "cool" during high school.  "Boys will be boys" was my neighbor's saying.  Well one morning my neighbor found him dead in the kitchen from an OD on some sort of drugs.  

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Spend time with them but as others put, you still need to be the parent not a friend. Chores and animals to give them responsibility, consequences if they don't carry out the responsibility. But of course within their ability by age and size and level of maturity.  

 

As they get be teens you need to open to their interests not your. Have 3, one wanted sports, 2 wanted 4H. As a parent would of been much easier to force 4H on all of

 

So are going to go astray no matter what is done. I have to say genetics tell at times, and know amount nurturing help them. Have some friend with 3 adopted 2 are blood siblings. The one girl has become homeless more than once. They have provided help several times but after 30 years have given up on how much to help. A heart breaking thing, but choices are made repeatedly to living on the street.  

I wrote the above before dirt floor poor posted, cause had them dang old responsibility I thought a cow was on the wrong side the fence, but she was not.

But as I said some poor genetics running around maybe hidden for a few generations even. Thankfully ours are close to 40 all gainfully employed 2 married with their own kids. But as D F P put 2 siblings just did not want the same things in life with the same up bring.  So parents need not beat themselves up about somethings after putting in a good attempt if they put kids first. 

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The best advice has been said many times above - Be the parent!

My wife stayed home when they were little. Not everyone can afford to do that, I know, but if you can I think it's important. Being on the road half the month it was the only way for us.

We pushed them into sports, it only took a bit of a nudge anyway. When they were little we, or I should say my wife just signed them up! The good kids/parents seem to be involved in sports. Our son turned out to be an all-around athlete. A tremendous school system helped as well. K-6 in my town has about 40 kids so the attention and advancement was like an expensive private school. My daughter was a math wiz so she just got pushed forward, finally being bused to the middle school to keep up with her abilities, same happened in middle school as she was bused to the HS for the same. She finally admitted to hitting the math wall in college at calc 5 or something?. The HS salutatorian found herself among equals at Dartmouth! Son said he was going to the USCGA and I told him great, but have a plan B as they don't take but a few. He pulled it off anyway!

Anyway like the other posters above said, stay on them ,stay involved, make sure they're actually doing homework and don't accept poor work. Support the teachers. You brought them into the world and you're responsible to get them on the way. It has paid off for us. We have one USCG officer and one Ivy grad and we're quite proud of them. Yes, we're lucky but like a lot of luck, you make much of your own.

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15 hours ago, Ihfan4life said:

Keep doing what you’re doing. Set an example! Kids learn by watching!

I’m stern with my son, also 7, but not so much so that he’s afraid to horse around and have some fun.  I’m told he’s a good kid when I’m not around, I certainly hope so.

He had a bully bothering him in school as much as a weekly thing. I finally had a meeting with the school and said if you don’t take care of the bullying problem, I will tell my son the next time he’s bullied to pound the crap out of the other kid. No more problem!

Treat them as a child pushing the boundaries and not as an equal- BECAUSE THEY AREN’T an EQUAL!!! 
Parents need to be parents first. The best friend thing will come years later if at all, but raising children isn’t easy, doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. IF you want respectful children treat them respect and responsibility.  
my 2 cents worth 

 

Amen brother. My sister went with that method with her daughter. She's now paying for it. Best friends my A$$ your my kid. Pick up your room now. lol

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I am glad I'm not the only one worried about my kids. I suppose what I should say is i wish the whole world worried like we do. My oldest sister was raised in the very same house with the very same parents and my youngest sister and I. We act NOTHING alike. My youngest and I both have good jobs, good kids, etc. Oldest sister has a job, but 1/10th of her mind capacity and the 3 years she went to college were wasted. Her kids are a nuisance. She drinks like a fish, dabbles in some drugs I know for sure. Everything is always someone else's fault, or someone is out to get her down.  My moms all we have of our parents and she always favors us against oldest. That's because whenever oldest calls she always needs something, money or mom to do a job she should be doing.

  When I hear her tell stories of our childhood they are much different than I remember. Glass half full half empty type thing I suppose. Point is your all right when you say sometimes the outcome isn't up to us. 

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I remember the "This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs" commercials.

By then I had always made my decision what to do.

It wasn`t because of commercials/school posters or speeches

It was simply I respected my Dad and didn`t want to disappoint/shame him being a doper. 

 

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7 minutes ago, MTO said:

I remember the "This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs" commercials.

By then I had always made my decision what to do.

It wasn`t because of commercials/school posters or speeches

It was simply I respected my Dad and didn`t want to disappoint/shame him being a doper. 

 

That's a good thing. Same here. I followed my Dad into the electrical field. Never got to work with him side by side much, and he didn't help me get a job, but my whole career I worked around the same guys. And I always heard how good of worker he was, and how good he was at what he did. That made me want to step up my game so someday they would say the same of me. I also loved to come home and talk to Dad about things I ran across troubleshooting. He never took me fishing much but he sure showed me how to work and hold a job. I remember when I took my masters test and passed he gave me a hug and told me he was proud of me. Something he never did before. So yah Mark i think we share the same feeling of not wanting to let the old man down. 

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In addition to the above posts, I would like to add, infinite patience. My son disappeared for about an hour one day when he was 7 or 8. I kept hearing him pounding on something and discovered he was trying to fix a sliding door on the barn where he misjudged while putting the backhoe away. I told him never be afraid to tell me something went wrong. I fully expect something to get dented, run over or a window broken (can’t believe back window of the tractor isn’t broken, as many times I’ve hit it with the hydraulic hoses) as part of the learning process. I promised I would never launch on him, explaining that it doesn’t fix what’s wrong or put money in the pocket. As he was becoming an operator, we put new PTO shields on everything, no matter how obscure,  and just discussed general farm safety, to the point he was telling me all the safety violations at the local steam show! But my point is , when something gets tore up, I want him to know my only concern is everyone ok. Don’t jump down their throat when a malfunction occurs . If they come away unhurt, that is a victory for me.

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1 hour ago, Binderoid said:

In addition to the above posts, I would like to add, infinite patience. My son disappeared for about an hour one day when he was 7 or 8. I kept hearing him pounding on something and discovered he was trying to fix a sliding door on the barn where he misjudged while putting the backhoe away. I told him never be afraid to tell me something went wrong. I fully expect something to get dented, run over or a window broken (can’t believe back window of the tractor isn’t broken, as many times I’ve hit it with the hydraulic hoses) as part of the learning process. I promised I would never launch on him, explaining that it doesn’t fix what’s wrong or put money in the pocket. As he was becoming an operator, we put new PTO shields on everything, no matter how obscure,  and just discussed general farm safety, to the point he was telling me all the safety violations at the local steam show! But my point is , when something gets tore up, I want him to know my only concern is everyone ok. Don’t jump down their throat when a malfunction occurs . If they come away unhurt, that is a victory for me.

Probably good advice as well. 

My boy (5) ran his go kart I built him for the first time. It's a one seater so I put a helmet on him. I strattled the back and let him drive in in the big open yard. He did great, so eventually I went from riding to walking beside him to letting him make small circles in the yard. After a while he was doing so good I told him he needed to put it away in the shop. I just told him to drive it himself in there. Well he hit the door and let off the gas then i heard the engine rev back up. He went through the shop and crashed into the back wall knocking a table full of tools over and landing most of them in his lap. He shoved the table legs through the sheetrock into the next room before he got it stopped. I started to lecture him as he was looking at me expecting me to yell and I stopped. I thought to myself no, your the one that set him up so instead I asked him if he knew what went wrong. He said he thought he could stop, but on the concrete he slid. I said yes concrete is slick. So instead we picked up all the tools together and had a laugh, and went into the house together laughing. I told him not to tell his mom knowing his first words would be MOM GUESS WHAT!!! 

 

 

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45 minutes ago, Missouri Mule said:

Probably good advice as well. 

My boy (5) ran his go kart I built him for the first time. It's a one seater so I put a helmet on him. I strattled the back and let him drive in in the big open yard. He did great, so eventually I went from riding to walking beside him to letting him make small circles in the yard. After a while he was doing so good I told him he needed to put it away in the shop. I just told him to drive it himself in there. Well he hit the door and let off the gas then i heard the engine rev back up. He went through the shop and crashed into the back wall knocking a table full of tools over and landing most of them in his lap. He shoved the table legs through the sheetrock into the next room before he got it stopped. I started to lecture him as he was looking at me expecting me to yell and I stopped. I thought to myself no, your the one that set him up so instead I asked him if he knew what went wrong. He said he thought he could stop, but on the concrete he slid. I said yes concrete is slick. So instead we picked up all the tools together and had a laugh, and went into the house together laughing. I told him not to tell his mom knowing his first words would be MOM GUESS WHAT!!! 

 

 

I had to do a “don’t tell mom” when we were out snowmobiling , which she didn’t like, and he had a crash he was particularly proud of. We were heading back home the way we had come, when we had to make a 90 degree turn at a drainage ditch , which was about 4 feet deep. I stopped at the turn to wait for him but did not turn north to indicate we had to turn. He blew past me across the ditch, and there was a giant drift which I think prevented the skis from sticking in the opposite bank. He went over the windshield face-down in the snow, and the snowmobile coasted to the top and sat there idling.  He jumped up and put his arms in the victory signal and I breathed a sigh of relief! I said “Do not tell your mother!” He said yea , that probably would be best.

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There is a lot of good information here, and great ideas.  I would just offer that what ever you do be factual. The old stories that were told to scare kids just made liars out of the parents, and then they ignored the rest of the deal.

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