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Vicar and verger standing at the front of the church on a Sunday morning looking at congregation when the vicar leaned over to the verger and asked is that old fanny green in the front row no I don't think so vicar it's just the light coming through the stained glass window

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10 hours ago, Dasnake said:

Joe and Jill

 

Donald and Melania......?

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1 hour ago, TP from Central PA said:

God do I miss them...................Sigh

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15 hours ago, Binderoid said:

The country is so full of wings and wongs every time you wing you get the wong number

Did you her about the chinese airliner that crashed? The pilot, co-pilot and navigator was named  Sum Ting Wong, Won Wing Lo and Ho Lee Kow.......

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As a singer I sing at many funerals & I was recently asked by a funeral director to sing at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's Cemetery out near Lindale. As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost. Everyone that knows me knows I can be directionally challenged AND my navigation lost its signal.

I hate Sprint!!

Anyway, I finally arrived an hour late and saw that the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt bad and apologized to the guys for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to sing. The workers put down their lunch and began to gather around. I sang my heart and soul out for this man with no family and friends.

As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the spirit began to move and the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I prayed a benediction and started for my car, my head hung low but my heart so FULL.

As I opened the door to my car, I overheard one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I was still lost ….

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1 hour ago, zleinenbach said:

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Told that one to wifey.

Just plain old pine box will be fine

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9 hours ago, 1466fan said:

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5MEB

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A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.

He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.

She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket.

Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.

How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens

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On 5/16/2021 at 7:25 AM, twostepn2001 said:

As a singer I sing at many funerals & I was recently asked by a funeral director to sing at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's Cemetery out near Lindale. As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost. Everyone that knows me knows I can be directionally challenged AND my navigation lost its signal.

I hate Sprint!!

Anyway, I finally arrived an hour late and saw that the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt bad and apologized to the guys for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to sing. The workers put down their lunch and began to gather around. I sang my heart and soul out for this man with no family and friends.

As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the spirit began to move and the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I prayed a benediction and started for my car, my head hung low but my heart so FULL.

As I opened the door to my car, I overheard one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I was still lost ….

 Beautiful, ya had me all the way.

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