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MTO
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But we need, more now than ever, 

A CLEAN JOKE THREAD!

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Pig fell in the mud.......sigh.

But seriously, we need some laughter here.

If I wasn't afraid of water and heights, I'd jump off a bridge.

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I got 17 smiles with my 40 yr old Harley in the ditch story in 3 hrs for God's sake! 

Joke thread and keep it child friendly cause God knows we can't offend anyone in this pathetic state we live in......sigh.

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I don't need any jokes...................Had enough.  Stomach bug was going around here, certain people at my shack who shall remain nameless to protect the guilty decided to use wape's instead of TP for the Hershey Squirts.................Water started back flowing out of the riser for the washer in the basement yesterday.  Ran a snake out to the septic tank, but it wasn't long enough to get all the way to the tank, so me and the oldest had to dig the lid up last night in the dark.  Guess what was at the end of the pipe into the first tank baffle..............A heck of a nice looking paper mache mountain.  Had to fish it out.................And you want a joke?????  Does this story suit???????

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4 minutes ago, TP from Central PA said:

I don't need any jokes...................Had enough.  Stomach bug was going around here, certain people at my shack who shall remain nameless to protect the guilty decided to use wape's instead of TP for the Hershey Squirts.................Water started back flowing out of the riser for the washer in the basement yesterday.  Ran a snake out to the septic tank, but it wasn't long enough to get all the way to the tank, so me and the oldest had to dig the lid up last night in the dark.  Guess what was at the end of the pipe into the first tank baffle..............A heck of a nice looking paper mache mountain.  Had to fish it out.................And you want a joke?????  Does this story suit???????

Sounds like the leader/teacher/educator/"man" of the house dropped the ball...duh!

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12 minutes ago, MTO said:

But we need, more now than ever, 

A CLEAN JOKE THREAD!

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Pig fell in the mud.......sigh.

But seriously, we need some laughter here.

If I wasn't afraid of water and heights, I'd jump off a bridge.

When I was a youngster, my favorite joke from my paternal grandfather was a pig fell in the mud. To make it really dirty, two pigs fell in the mud. I giggled then & it will still bring a smile to my face now. As an aside, I used to profess that I liked all forms of humor. Admittedly, it just isn't the same in this day & age. It's either too brain dead or I don't understand the reference(s). Guess I'm an out of touch old fart in training. Oh well, have to be good at something.

Mike

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2 minutes ago, MTO said:

Sounds like the leader/teacher/educator/"man" of the house dropped the ball...duh!

No, but I should have................dropped a bowling ball on someones head for not listening.:lol:

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I know there are 25 letters in the alphabet...used to be 26... but I can't remember "y"..?

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I saw this on a church sign.

If you turn MOM upside down you get WOW.

I offered to turn my wife upside down to see but she wouldn't let me!

Thx-Ace 

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1 minute ago, junkandcattle said:

Heard 70 percent of all Asians have cataracts the other 30 percent have Lincolns

your numbers are off, 25 percent have cataracts, the rest have "rincolns and Chevrorets"

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Just now, vtfireman85 said:

your numbers are off, 25 percent have cataracts, the rest have "rincolns and Chevrorets"

You sure none of them drive a “Srab”

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23 minutes ago, TP from Central PA said:

I don't need any jokes...................Had enough.  Stomach bug was going around here, certain people at my shack who shall remain nameless to protect the guilty decided to use wape's instead of TP for the Hershey Squirts.................Water started back flowing out of the riser for the washer in the basement yesterday.  Ran a snake out to the septic tank, but it wasn't long enough to get all the way to the tank, so me and the oldest had to dig the lid up last night in the dark.  Guess what was at the end of the pipe into the first tank baffle..............A heck of a nice looking paper mache mountain.  Had to fish it out.................And you want a joke?????  Does this story suit???????

Sounds like mothers day here 2 years ago.  Was heading to take the wife out to eat, go downstairs to get something and was a nice helping of poop soup down there.  The "premium" soft TP plugged up the backflow flapper and HP outta the drain she came.  

Nothing on this earth quite like snaking your own poo, separates the men from the boys.  

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41 minutes ago, acem said:

I saw this on a church sign.

If you turn MOM upside down you get WOW.

I offered to turn my wife upside down to see but she wouldn't let me!

Thx-Ace 

You'll get a wow! I bet then a wowzzer across the cheek

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3 hours ago, MTO said:

But we need, more now than ever, 

A CLEAN JOKE THREAD!

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Pig fell in the mud.......sigh.

But seriously, we need some laughter here.

If I wasn't afraid of water and heights, I'd jump off a bridge.

Hang on  a minute.....Is that supposed to be funny ???????...I mean  ...as you say...seriously...You would jump off a bridge.....???  How could that possibly be funny....???

....dang...no wonder the joke thread went South....Dear oh dear

Mike

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Mark, if you are serious about starting a clean joke thread.

 

You must first get your zen on.???

 

 

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5 hours ago, Absent Minded Farmer said:

When I was a youngster, my favorite joke from my paternal grandfather was a pig fell in the mud. To make it really dirty, two pigs fell in the mud. I giggled then & it will still bring a smile to my face now. As an aside, I used to profess that I liked all forms of humor. Admittedly, it just isn't the same in this day & age. It's either too brain dead or I don't understand the reference(s). Guess I'm an out of touch old fart in training. Oh well, have to be good at something.

Mike

Ours was- 6 white horses fell in the mud. Knee slapper ?

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Guy comes home to his wife and say's...: If I won the lottery what would you do?  Wife say's " I would take half and leave you"  Guy say's: Great, "I just won twenty bucks." Get packing!!

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8 hours ago, TP from Central PA said:

I don't need any jokes...................Had enough.  Stomach bug was going around here, certain people at my shack who shall remain nameless to protect the guilty decided to use wape's instead of TP for the Hershey Squirts.................Water started back flowing out of the riser for the washer in the basement yesterday.  Ran a snake out to the septic tank, but it wasn't long enough to get all the way to the tank, so me and the oldest had to dig the lid up last night in the dark.  Guess what was at the end of the pipe into the first tank baffle..............A heck of a nice looking paper mache mountain.  Had to fish it out.................And you want a joke?????  Does this story suit???????

no Tampons?

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