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I am an opinionated, but very  much live and let live person, my wife not so much. We’re currently having a situation in our lives in which we’re having to have the understanding with her parents that we don’t want their stuff. It’s a long story but we are switching houses, as has been planned for a decade now, both as we need more room if we are to start a family, and as they are now snow birds who spend 4-5 months here sporadically. She has always gotten along well with her dad, her mom less so, but it’s been ok. The last few months have been rough. Even though this has been talked about many times for years it still has been a shock to them that everything from the brass tea kettle to aunt millie’s painting of great uncle Buford we don’t want, along with a host of other assorted items, Including 457 lamps and about 1300 square feet of furniture in the style my wife refers to as “Broken Victorian”. Currently my wife is not speaking to her folks, and her folks are mad at her and the whole thing has blown into a big mess. 
Myself, I don’t hold grudges, I tried a few times and it has never ever done me any good, once it’s done, it’s done. I either like someone or I don’t, but I let stuff go., these people I am finding don't possess that ability. 
I am hopeful for a little more live and let live in our future and, a bit more understanding that some people want to accumulate their own clutter.   

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It could be a manifestation of those who lived through the Great Depression or raised by parents that did....

Who lives near seth and arrainge a flash mob of burglers? "We were away for the night and got robbed" 

Be very careful of hidden treasures🙄 😁 KNow this is very stressful for you right now. HOpe you can take a breath and let out a chuckle from time to time. Don't let it build up to much.  You

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Sounds like a rough situation. Hope everyone calms down and remembers they love each other and work it out to all parties satisfaction.....as much as possible anyway. Good luck.

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Best of luck. Theres nothing like money and possessions to drive a wedge between family. Either want or rejection of said items seems to produce similar results when one party or the other has to get rid of it if that makes any sense.

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5 minutes ago, 660 driver said:

Best of luck. Theres nothing like money and possessions to drive a wedge between family. Either want or rejection of said items seems to produce similar results when one party or the other has to get rid of it if that makes any sense.

Sadly it does. That house was so full of “precious wonderful furniture” you really could not take a straight line from A-B without several side step maneuvers. It all was some dead persons and highly prized for its broken, delicate, and fell apart nature. The kind you have to open just so and you can’t do this or that and it’s all on tiny little casters that are worn out and flopped over. Chairs you can’t sit in, tables you can’t set stuff down n, and each one had a procedure involved in its usage. 
we discussed at great length many times the wants needs and desires of both parties. However when it comes to putting it into action, it doesn’t seem to be working very well. 

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11 minutes ago, vtfireman85 said:

Sadly it does. That house was so full of “precious wonderful furniture” you really could not take a straight line from A-B without several side step maneuvers. It all was some dead persons and highly prized for its broken, delicate, and fell apart nature. The kind you have to open just so and you can’t do this or that and it’s all on tiny little casters that are worn out and flopped over. Chairs you can’t sit in, tables you can’t set stuff down n, and each one had a procedure involved in its usage. 
we discussed at great length many times the wants needs and desires of both parties. However when it comes to putting it into action, it doesn’t seem to be working very well. 

And you guys followed through with the house swap? No offense but from what you described it was a powder keg waiting to be lit. If they think the junk is that valuable and they aren't willing to part with it and obviously can't take it all with them where they're going to live. You know damned well they are going to be ticked off if you dispose of said relics.

 

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13 minutes ago, Reichow7120 said:

And you guys followed through with the house swap? No offense but from what you described it was a powder keg waiting to be lit. If they think the junk is that valuable and they aren't willing to part with it and obviously can't take it all with them where they're going to live. You know damned well they are going to be ticked off if you dispose of said relics.

 

Oh we have disposed of nothing. The biggest problem has been that we have a different idea of what “moved out”means. We left a clean , empty house. Rented a sea container, and moved all our stuff into it. We moved into the camper for “a week” a month ago. Things are getting tense, things are unpleasant and it’s getting old. 

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I know a man who held a 40+ year grudge and wouldn't talk to him or his family against his son because he 1)moved out and 2) remarried after his first wife divorced him.  Not to mention the second wife had his 4 only grandchildren.

 

I don't let things bother me for long either. Life is too short.  Especially if it's over stuff. 

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Put their stuff in a sea container and deliver to their new place

Let the keg go bang and get it over with.......dragging it out won't work cause they have had that stuff forever so time is not the same to them

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Sorry to hear that is happening. As said it seens like money and stuff really can tear a family apart and show the best or worst in a person. Good luck to you and hope it works out soon and the best for all.

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The heck of this all is this was a pretty tightly knit family previously, I’m currently trying to make things work and running myself ragged in the process. I really hope things will work themselves out. 

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so what is the issue with moving the stuff out of her folks place into your old place and then move your container stuff into their old place ? 

dont they want their amazing stuff at their new/your old place ? 

 

 

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2 minutes ago, searcyfarms said:

so what is the issue with moving the stuff out of her folks place into your old place and then move your container stuff into their old place ? 

dont they want their amazing stuff at their new/your old place ? 

 

 

They do, but it’s 1000 sq feet from 2400, and the 2400 was full to the brim. Theory being if there was wall or floor it needed something on it. 

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44 minutes ago, nomorejohndeere said:

Put their stuff in a sea container and deliver to their new place

Let the keg go bang and get it over with.......dragging it out won't work cause they have had that stuff forever so time is not the same to them

Seth can correct me if I am wrong, but I believe that his in laws live next door to him!!

Delivery would not be much of an issue.  Just get another sea container/connex box and put their stuff into it.

Perhaps Seth and his bride might select a location for the sea container that is “logistically beneficial”.  I.E., out of their way (and sight) but “convenient” for the in laws.   Whether it is aesthetic for the in laws is up to Seth and his bride.......

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move yuor stuff out of the container, move their stuff into container, move your stuff into house, move container to their new/your old and they can do with it as they please ?

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Was literally in your shoes last June, except I was in the understanding that I was staying and my father and his wife were doing the same. His wife wanted to move into the old farm house and so did the rest of the family. She isn't a bad person, and I really don't think it was for getting under my skin, but I know the feeling. Finally before the move, I said that was it, and decided that we needed to get it settled as it was causing a lot of stress on me and my wife. We explained why we would like to continue to live on the house, we were newly Weds, planning on family, wanting a larger space, etc. He is 50, single level house, getting older, be easier for him in the long run. But, ultimately, it was his farm, and had the last say. It wasnt great milking the next few days, and intimate decision was made that he was going to move. My wife, mad, him worked up because he didn't want me to leave working on the farm. I understood he also had a wife with wants a needs, and in the end it worked out. Although there are still some tense days. Time and talking helped it out. You could always move the stuff into storage until it gets figured out too. 

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Ive been through similar, first thing you have to determine is there any hope of reconciliation, if the answer is no you are in a no win and wasting your time. Are there any other siblings? They could divy up their heirlooms with the others and really saves you a mess of the estate later, if no one else wants it either it fortifies your position, you need to stand by your wife here, it sounds to me like they want to you to move into their house and they can drop in unchanged?

You may have talked about it for a decade but I don’t think they are there...

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3 minutes ago, hardtail said:

Ive been through similar, first thing you have to determine is there any hope of reconciliation, if the answer is no you are in a no win and wasting your time. Are there any other siblings? They could divy up their heirlooms with the others and really saves you a mess of the estate later, if no one else wants it either it fortifies your position, you need to stand by your wife here, it sounds to me like they want to you to move into their house and they can drop in unchanged?

You may have talked about it for a decade but I don’t think they are there...

That's what im thinking. Talk is cheap. Action is a different story. 

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19 minutes ago, MTO said:

A respectful child AND their spouse should consolate their parents at any cost/inconvenience.

Another lost trait.

AMEN - obey/respect your father and mother that is why I said move their old stuff to them in the container so they could choose as they with to do with it heck move as much as you can into their 1000sq ft place since htey are so fond of it and make it like their old home so they are comfortable and familiar with it all. 

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2 hours ago, MTO said:

A respectful child AND their spouse should consolate their parents at any cost/inconvenience.

Another lost trait.

Ur delusional 

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4 hours ago, 1586 Jeff said:

Seth can correct me if I am wrong, but I believe that his in laws live next door to him!!

Delivery would not be much of an issue.  Just get another sea container/connex box and put their stuff into it.

Perhaps Seth and his bride might select a location for the sea container that is “logistically beneficial”.  I.E., out of their way (and sight) but “convenient” for the in laws.   Whether it is aesthetic for the in laws is up to Seth and his bride.......

Don’t bother with a sea container. Get a dumpster! Guess who will be emptying said sea container(s) when that time comes, it won’t be them.If they’re pissed then give them a reason to be pissed. You can only walk on eggshells for so long. This is their precious heirlooms, set a deadline, then follow through with it. OR sign up for a lifetime of eggshell walking. Either way, will not be pleasant but doing nothing...is just doing nothing. 
 

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3 hours ago, MTO said:

A respectful child AND their spouse should consolate their parents at any cost/inconvenience.

Another lost trait.

 

3 hours ago, searcyfarms said:

AMEN - obey/respect your father and mother that is why I said move their old stuff to them in the container so they could choose as they with to do with it heck move as much as you can into their 1000sq ft place since htey are so fond of it and make it like their old home so they are comfortable and familiar with it all. 

I personally know 2 people who have done exactly that, and in the process 1 lost everything he worked for when his father died. 2 is literally months away from retirement and still doesn’t own his own house that was built for him and his new bride 40(?) years ago. 
It’s one thing to honor your parents, it’s another to be taken advantage of by your parents. I’m thinking Seth is about to find that out the hard way. The stuff needs to go. NOW

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We are beyond the stage of all the wonderful possessions of ancestors, they have already been moved to the little house or moved into storage, we’re down to what I will describe as “debris” the crap that is not needed by anyone, acres of books that have been read or won’t ever be read, old suitcases that are no longer used, the kind of junk that accumulates in closets, Christmas decorations that haven’t been dug out in 30years, throw rugs, 8 track cassette collections, and 300 ash trays full of unsorted debris that look like perhaps the leavings of purses, glove boxes, and the leavings of junk drawers that none has troubled themselves to sort out thepaper clips, gum wrappers and loose change. 
honestly what it looks like are houses I’ve been in where long term tenants have bailed in the middle of the night after a winter of not paying rent. The stuff not seen as valuable got left strewn everywhere while the functional TV’s, beds and anything else they wanted got loaded in U haul trucks by the light of the moon. in this case nothing is smashed or vandalized like Marks tenant, but never the less, it’s the kind of stuff only valuable to it’s owner and only it’s owner can really decide what to do with it.

the Volume of this stuff makes it utterly impossible to clean or do anything like paint, which all needs doing . At this point we’re at the stage in the first floor that we’ve been able to clean around and paint around and I’ve done some lighting upgrades over the past 3 weekends, and we’re going to move into the first floor, which has one small bedroom while the glacial progress hopefully continues on the second floor. 
 

as to other siblings, my wife has one sister who lives in a small apartment in Boston and as far as I know has as little interest in her parents “stuff”, as she has in her family, which is to say little to none. She does not participate in family anything and her 1 -2 time a year visits usually end in storming back to the city in a huff, vowing never to return again.  The contents of her room look to me to be nothing of much great value, as pretty much anything she needed left years ago as she spent her formative years in boarding school, and then decided to stay in the city once college was completed she doesn’t have a large volume of “personals” here, but we have insisted it all be left as it is until she has the opportunity to come sort through it. 
 

the heck of all this is that all the arrangements here were made relatively painlessly, we have discussed, negotiated and agreed upon the financials, associated, the sister has been made aware of the situation and has had opportunity to voice her wants needs and desires, the “precious” furniture has already been moved or safely stored, some on site, some in a clean, heated facility elsewhere which my FIL owns. Really what’s bringing the whole family to shreds is the residue of 35 years that is not needed but no one knows what to do with. 
a bit of back story to this whole thing, is that this was all planned for 5-6 years ago, but my wife’s grandmother got sick, And spent a few years confined to her home in CT, it was a large home, similarly overstuffed with the possessions of generations of extended dead relatives. My wife spent every single work vacation and all summer down there careing for her, the family hired round the clock nursing care and between my wife, her aunt and her uncle, there was always a family member present or at least available at all times, she then spent the last 4 years, every vacation, and ,most of the summer down there sorting out the giant house full of wonderful heirlooms and the General “debris” of 60 years old never throwing anything away. Most of the “stuff” went to storage on the family farm in a nearby town, some went to various children and grandchildren but none the less, she has dedicated The free time for most of our marriage to sorting out dead people’s stuff. The one person conspicuous in his near total absence from this whole process both before and after her grandmothers passing has been her father, oh he offers his thoughts and advice, but talk is cheap, and when it came to action there was always either work or they were gone to the house down south. She is tired of it and wants to see a change in at least our lives to not continue that trend, and she’s “holding a grudge” that her dad did nothing to help in CT except to bring home 3 20’ enclosed trailer loads of priceless wonders to be stored and sorted by us again. I have tried to talk to her about letting it go, but she seems unable and he’s not helping matters by not working on the piles of “stuff”. all week nothing goes on at all in terms of forward progress until the weekend when suddenly there is some show of effort which only serves to hamper our forward progress.

its not pretty, and walking away is not an option either at this point in the game.

mark talks about respectful children, one thing I plan to do for my children, to be a respectful parent, should I be lucky enough to have any, is to not leave them with years and years worth of  sorting out, storing, and otherwise disbursing my possessions and the possessions of 5 generations before me, I’m not referring to things you like, collections you enjoy, hobbies you have like tractor collecting, model railroading, rug hooking, whatever that your kids will have to deal with once your gone, I’m talking about storing crap, in boxes in closets basements, and outbuildings, broken furniture they don’t want won’t use and don’t have a use for, just because it belonged to some dead relative they have never met. Pretty good chance great great great uncle Rufus would have said throw that piece of junk away 75 years ago if anyone had troubled themselves to ask him. 

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