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My father is always commenting on how every obituary paints every person out to be a saint. “Salt of he earth, give you the shirt off his back, knit sweaters for homeless turtles and rescued kittens from mine shafts on his way to volunteer at the homeless shelter. Loved by one and all”

I got into it with my MIL about George Floyd the other day, that a royal A-hole has been made a martyr by the whole country. But it brings up a point hat I have been arguing for years, I get crap for being flippant and irreverent about death, but dead is dead, and there’s no point using hushed voices about it. My grandfather was a wonderful, respectable man who is really sorely missed by his family. My grandmother was respectable, but she was a nasty old bag and everyone knows it, no need to mince words. 
point is it bugs me that you can’t speak Ill of the dead, if the dead had wanted to be well thought of after they are gone they need to start being well thought of when they were alive. Not that everyone is one or the other, some ppl are just so so, I’m sure many never left a mark on the world, but had loved ones who miss them and want to say nice stuff and that’s fine. myself I want to be remembered just as I am, that way if I make it to heaven, and I hope to, my great grandchildren will not be disappointed or feel misled when they meet me someday.
As I said to her, if you spend your life being an A-Hole, and you die, that makes you a dead A-hole, not a hero.
Martin Luther King was a hero, IMO, based on his known history, George Floyd is a dead A-Hole.

thats just my .02

rant over

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Pretty sure Earnest Hemingway (if spirits could write)could write my obituary and it would be futile. I’ve done an excellent job cementing my rep.

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I don't think we do ourselves any favors by trying to rewrite someone's history. We are not who gets to judge how anyone was. I am thinking that most people are saying things like this as to not talk badly about someone. Unfortunately it goes too far as they start embellishing things about them instead of saying nothing positive. There is plenty of evidence to support that Floyd wasn't a hero like some are claiming

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37 minutes ago, bitty said:

I don't think we do ourselves any favors by trying to rewrite someone's history. We are not who gets to judge how anyone was. I am thinking that most people are saying things like this as to not talk badly about someone. Unfortunately it goes too far as they start embellishing things about them instead of saying nothing positive. There is plenty of evidence to support that Floyd wasn't a hero like some are claiming

There’s actually a new “ secret police video” that’s circulating FB now about Mr Floyd’s arrest. I haven’t seen it, nor do I plan on seeing it. 
But, isn’t there some ole wives tale about speaking ill of the dead? That’s probably why you’re not supposed to call them as they were. 
We had a neighbor who had such a hard shell on him that people he didn’t let in would swear he was pure a-hole through and through. However, once he let you in and really showed you who he was, he showed me the most loving caring man I’ve ever had the privilege of calling him a friend. 
Others, just the opposite, friendly as if they were your best friend and would give you the shirt off their back, what they were really doing was trying to steal and rob you blind while stabbing you in the back and telling you they’re really helping you in the long run... those people deserve a tomb of granite, sealed tight and dropped into the deepest part of the oceans for the world to forget about...

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Can say anything you want as long as you follow it with "bless his/her heart"

Wife's book of women's rules, number 109638.

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Didn’t read all of that link but the way I see it. They had their whole life to justify themselves and that’s how people remember them because of how they acted. My grandparents were also like Vt’s. Grandfather was well liked and is missed but my grandma was a well known witch. When they were still alive in a nursing home a young nurse who knew me saw my picture and told them that she was a friend of mine. My grandpa smiled and was trying to talk to her while my grandma was yelling at her to stay away from her grandson. Thanks grandma for helping me pick up girls. Some will think of me as a good guy and friend, would do anything I could to help some people. Others will think of me as an ahole, and sometimes mouthy and I’m fine with that. I can’t please everyone and everyone can’t please me. 

1 hour ago, sandhiller said:

Can say anything you want as long as you follow it with "bless his/her heart"

Wife's book of women's rules, number 109638.

Did you read the whole women’s rule book. Did it have any secrets in there that we should know. 

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I went to an auction after a guy passed away that we all knew was a kleptomaniac. 
he worked for several different construction companies over the course of his life and died of cancer. His obituary played him up to be this great machinery operator ,backhoe , bulldozer , you name it he could run anything and do anything. When in fact he was a complete idiot and spent most of his time sitting in the pick up truck smoking cigarettes which is why he got fired from every place he ever worked. They talked about him at his funeral being able to pick up a pocket watch with a backhoe he was so talented, when in fact he was a complete worthless idiot. At his auction there were two auctioneers it took two days because he had stolen so many tools from every place he worked. 80% of them were still marked from the companies that he worked for and he didn’t even bother to erase their names. For example we counted 42 different levels, 35 step ladders, they were over 60 hammers, there were so many tape measures we didn’t even count them. All of which he brought home I guess like Johnny Cash in his lunchpail one piece at a time. I wish they would’ve mentioned that at his funeral.

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Agree when dead your dead. People that cared about you still do. Funeral is just a big get together for others.  See no need to have one myself. Not having any, told wife to use the money that would be spent on funeral to enjoy if she outlives me.

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The one thing I don't want in my obituary if I die of cancer is some thing like " passing after a courageous battle with cancer"   when you get cancer you just have to go with the flow you have some choices in therapy's but the cancer does the leading.

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3 hours ago, sandhiller said:

Can say anything you want as long as you follow it with "bless his/her heart"

Wife's book of women's rules, number 109638.

wow you guys are amazing I never got past rule number 1 - the only 4 words you need to know when you get married are Yes Maam, and I'm Sorry 

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12 minutes ago, searcyfarms said:

wow you guys are amazing I never got past rule number 1 - the only 4 words you need to know when you get married are Yes Maam, and I'm Sorry 

Yeah once you learn to eat crow weather you’re right or wrong the rest is easy.

 

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34 minutes ago, searcyfarms said:

wow you guys are amazing I never got past rule number 1 - the only 4 words you need to know when you get married are Yes Maam, and I'm Sorry 

Honey, I'm not sure what I just did or am about to do wrong so I'm going down to the shop and think long and hard about it so I don't do it again😳😢.   😁

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Imo, funerals and gravesites/headstones are for the living to pay respects to the living family and living friends.

Like Bitty said, not our business to openly/verbally judge... but we do.

Have attended hundreds of funerals.

Some deceased were not up to some people's standards but spouses/children deserve the respect of our sympathies. 

Pretty simple to me.

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A guy i grew up with was a pure outlaw. When he passed I went to the funeral. The preacher was praising him to no end. So I got up and went up front and looked in the casket and came back and sat down. My wife said what are you doing, told her I had to check to see if it was him, thought we were at the wrong funeral.

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45 minutes ago, MTO said:

Imo, funerals and gravesites/headstones are for the living to pay respects to the living family and living friends.

Like Bitty said, not our business to openly/verbally judge... but we do.

Have attended hundreds of funerals.

Some deceased were not up to some people's standards but spouses/children deserve the respect of our sympathies. 

Pretty simple to me.

I agree, to an extent, but fabricating a wonderful person just because they died I don’t agree with, some people’s best quality is being dead. 

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IMO the real issue is we attempt to measure everyone with our self inscribed measuring stick. What gives us the right or obligation to describe what someone has  done in their lifetime.

No one is all good or all bad, many wear a veneer better than others and some have better handlers and protectors  but we are all PEOPLE!

 

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3 hours ago, searcyfarms said:

Yes Maam, and I'm Sorry 

One more: "It's my fault"

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1 hour ago, MTO said:

Some deceased were not up to some people's standards but spouses/children deserve the respect of our sympathies. 

Pretty simple to me.

Grandma's wisdom

we all heard it growing up.

Still holds water today.

If you can't say something nice...,.,.........

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4 hours ago, searcyfarms said:

wow you guys are amazing I never got past rule number 1 - the only 4 words you need to know when you get married are Yes Maam, and I'm Sorry 

I call that getting the last words in in an argument

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I'm not allowed to go to funerals much, I tend to call crap when I know them. Has caused problems. I'm respectful in the building, but outside all bets are off.

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3 hours ago, MTO said:

They estimated 10k mourners visited George Floyd's casket in 6 hrs.

Musta been a great guy.

Which service? I’m surprised he didn’t lay in state at the capital rotunda 😱

I felt sorry for the family as the democrats blatantly used his body as a prop to further their agenda.

 

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I am who I am. Like me or not I don't really care and will care less when my ashes are in a tin can. Some things I did right, some things I shouldn't have. But I did them and I'll live and die with them. And probably would do the same thing next time.

As for a funeral, I've told the boys to invite some people over to the shop, set my ashes on the work bench, put on the coffee pot, eat some peach cobbler, and tell some stories.

My wife and I already have our headstone in place at the cemetery. The only thing the family will have to do is add the date. Some were shocked that we did it but like some here have expressed "dead is dead" you can't change it and it's going to happen to all of us.

But until the time comes...... "I'm gonna LIVE until I die."

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At my mother's funeral the vicar related a story about my mother and father having a tumultuous relationship.

To the point that there uaed to be 2 old 45gal drums of wate milk outside the pigscots.

This milk as you can imagine was rancid full of maggots amd stinking.

Something set them off and my mother dunked a bucket in the drum and emptied it over my old.man.

 He in turn returned the compliment.

Neither one stopped until both drums were empty. Then all went quiet.

I was about 10 or maybe less at rhe time and quite distressed by it.

If it was now I'd have sat back and watched the show 🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

Yes I'll be the first to admit my parents were a grumpy pair.

But it is what it is and I wouldn't say anything else about them.

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