Jump to content
vtfireman85

Since the joke thread is gone here’s something to chuckle at

Recommended Posts

Old farmer pulls his Farmall up beside a young woman stuck in a snow drift.

"You`re the second pregnant woman I`ve pulled out today" he says.

"But I`m not pregnant sir" she replies.

After he spits his tobacco out he says, "You`re not out of the drift yet either"  ;)

  • Like 1
  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Preacher tells the congregation that they are going to to sing hymns. But to make things interesting he is going to say a word and the congregation will use that word to pick a hymn. He starts with rock and the congregation stands up and sings Rock Of Ages. Next he says great and the stands and sings How Great Thou Are. After about 1/2 hour he says sex. Everyone is looking around at each other. Finally an 92 year old woman stands up and starts singing Precious Memories!

 

Rick 

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/13/2019 at 7:49 PM, oldtanker said:

Preacher tells the congregation that they are going to to sing hymns. But to make things interesting he is going to say a word and the congregation will use that word to pick a hymn. He starts with rock and the congregation stands up and sings Rock Of Ages. Next he says great and the stands and sings How Great Thou Are. After about 1/2 hour he says sex. Everyone is looking around at each other. Finally an 92 year old woman stands up and starts singing Precious Memories!

 

Rick 

It`s "How Great Thou Art"

And speaking of Art, he`s been MIA.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

George cheated on his taxes.

Couldn`t sleep.

Months pass and George`s guilt has control.

He speaks to his pastor who suggests he send the IRS the money and George will receive forgiveness/peace.

George sends a check for $150 to the IRS.

The following week, the pastor asks George what he had decided to do.

George tells the pastor that he sent in a check for $150 and if he still can`t sleep, he`ll send them the rest.  ;)

 

  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, MTO said:

It`s "How Great Thou Art"

And speaking of Art, he`s been MIA.

Indeed.

Where is Art?  Hopefully safe and sound in De Leon.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/15/2019 at 11:09 AM, MTO said:

And speaking of Art, he`s been MIA.

Last l heard from him he was living in Coleman, Texas.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

FINALLY! BLONDE MEN JOKES:

A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers "Yes but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair and I just wet mine."

A blond man spots a letter on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

A blond man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself" the blond replies. "The rope should be around your neck" says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breath."

An Italian tourist asks a blond man "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blond man replies, "If they fell forward they'd still be in the boat."

A friend told the blond man, "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not on the 13th."

Two blond men found 3 grenades and they decided to take them to the police station. One of them asks, "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found 2."

  • Haha 10

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

IMG953870.jpg

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, twostepn2001 said:

FINALLY! BLONDE MEN JOKES:

A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers "Yes but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair and I just wet mine."

A blond man spots a letter on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

A blond man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself" the blond replies. "The rope should be around your neck" says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breath."

An Italian tourist asks a blond man "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blond man replies, "If they fell forward they'd still be in the boat."

A friend told the blond man, "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not on the 13th."

Two blond men found 3 grenades and they decided to take them to the police station. One of them asks, "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found 2."

Old one here:

3 construction workers on a high rise project break for lunch. 1st opens his lunch box, says "ham again? I hate ham! I get ham one more day and I'm jumping off this building!" 2nd one opens his lunch box up and says "sliced turkey? I'm so tired of turkey I get turkey tomorrow I'm jumping off this building!" Blond guy opens up his lunchbox and says "baloney! I hate baloney! I get baloney one more time I'm jumping off this building!" The next day at lunch the first guy opens his lunchbox, takes out a sandwich looks, screams "Ham!" and jumps off the building. 2nd guy looks at his sandwich, screams "sliced turkey!" and jumps off the building. The blond looks at his sandwich, screams "baloney!" and he jumps off the building. A couple days later the construction company is holding a memorial service for the 3 workers. The 1st guys widow is crying and says "if I had known he hated ham I'd have made him something else!". 2nd guys widow says "I'd have fix him anything if I had only known he hated sliced turkey!". Blond guys widows says "don't look at me, he packed his own lunches!".

 

Rick 

  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ole and Lena got in a terrible fight one morning. They finally quit talking to each other. Later that day they had to go to town together but still weren't talking. They came by a barnyard full of pigs rooting in the mud. Lena says "Relatives of your?" Ole snapped back" Yup!! In Laws!!"

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

70350819_2333914773386306_5939022026051158016_o.jpg

  • Haha 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

70779002_3033440580016359_3732160957695131648_n.jpg

  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, MTO said:

smore-26.jpg?w=560

I worked computer repair for a couple of years. Some of the stuff we heard.😲

 

Rick 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Whatever it takes to keep my Treager fired up !

70480538_10162216404535117_8343908372680015872_n.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

smoking.jpg

  • Like 2
  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/20/2019 at 4:00 PM, sandhiller said:

smoking.jpg

Smoking will kill you.

eating meats will kill you. 

But smoking meats will cure them!!

  • Like 2
  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

70350819_2333914773386306_5939022026051158016_o.jpg.439252676528e90d1ec3facc97d02971.jpg

Or testing that weed burner fencer with a stem of green foxtail.

  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...