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dale560

Daughter getting bullied in school.

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A lot of good advise here. You said your daughter had an IEP. That means State and sometimes Federal money. There are a lot of great people in education. There are also to many that are there because they're lazy. If you're dealing with the latter make them realize they can work a little now or a whole lot later when the State and Federal people start going over them with a magnifying glass. Been there done that and the great people smiled because I made the lazy ones squirm.

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7 hours ago, Matt Kirsch said:

Kids don't know or care from lawyers, police, or other grown ups, especially ones who aren't their parents, telling them what to do. They're kids. You tell them not to do something, and they're going to do it twice as much, twice as hard, and they're clever. They'll find ways to do it discretely so they won't get caught, and deny deny deny when confronted about it.

Raising a fuss, hiring lawyers, only makes YOU feel better. Meanwhile your kid continues to get teased, and now on top of that you're embarrassing them in front of everyone by making a big stink about it.

I guess by modern standards, I was "bullied" back in school too, but we called it "teasing" and enduring it made you a stronger person. I guess I also had good support at home, not parents who wanted to hire lawyers and make a national news story out of it. Of course that wasn't even a thing in the 80's.

The light at the end of the tunnel is, these kids *WILL* grow out of it eventually. 9th grade is getting toward the end of it. By senior year, most of them will want to be her friend because they've matured.

It just really bothers me that society has "evolved" to now when you get "bullied" you're supposed to curl up in a fetal position and cry your eyes out. Whatever happened to fighting back, or better yet, learning to IGNORE it? You don't have to fight back with fists, teach her to use her WIT, if she can't just ignore it. They throw her backpack down the stairs, "Hey thanks! I was headed that way. Now I don't have to carry it!" They comment about her appearance, come back with, "I learned it by watching you!" Delivery and variety are key. Being dumb kids, they'll be like, "Huh?" and one or two of them might even be swayed by just that one witty exchange.

The difference between when you or I were in school we could escape this crap-

today with social media, cell phones, and anonymously saying things that are mean and more than likely aren’t true, there is no escaping from it!

Todays bullying is nothing short of torture or terrorism to the victim(s) and should be confronted as such. No excusing it, no making lite of it. Bullying has escalated to levels never seen before 

 

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23 minutes ago, Ihfan4life said:

The difference between when you or I were in school we could escape this crap-

today with social media, cell phones, and anonymously saying things that are mean and more than likely aren’t true, there is no escaping from it!

Todays bullying is nothing short of torture or terrorism to the victim(s) and should be confronted as such. No excusing it, no making lite of it. Bullying has escalated to levels never seen before 

 

Exactly. Last year when one of the girls didn’t get a class position she snap chatted all the other kids they should die. We all just overlooked it.

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I feel I can chime in here.  Having graduated in 2016 I can assure everyone this sort of thing happens. But the biggest issue is trying to draw the line in the sand. If it’s one kid versus a group and they’re witty. Really nothing can be done because it’s one persons word against many.   Seems many people have noticed though in this case.  I agree about talking to administration but would not cause a big scene like some have recommended. That will simply fuel the fire. Not to mention probably embarrass your kid. I know if my dad would have shown up and threw a fit it would have really annoyed me. As a guy I don’t think any guys really got bullied. Everyone was in their own little group and would have started a throw down.  Girls are just plain mean to each other though.  I think this situation needs to be handled carefully. You cannot have looked the other way for 9 years and now kick in the door to the principals office and throw a fit.  I agree talking to a lawyer should be the first thing

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3 hours ago, Ihfan4life said:

The difference between when you or I were in school we could escape this crap-

today with social media, cell phones, and anonymously saying things that are mean and more than likely aren’t true, there is no escaping from it!

Todays bullying is nothing short of torture or terrorism to the victim(s) and should be confronted as such. No excusing it, no making lite of it. Bullying has escalated to levels never seen before 

 

I agree with this 100%

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I just found this thread today as I've been very busy.  As I read it a lot of things come to mind. Nobody and I mean NOBODY deserves to be treated that way.

I was picked on severely in jr high and high school because I wouldn't follow the crowd (didn't try to be different but wasn't going to do things I knew weren't right). In the mid to late 90's nobody cared about a kids feelings. I came home bleeding and bruised on multiple occasions because I refused to play football and the coach/PE teacher thought it was funny when I took elbows in the teeth, was crammed into a brick wall, or got smoked in the head with a bottle from across the room. I was always taught that judgement wasn't for me to give and I should not fight back. I would come home worried about what people thought of me but always kept my composure because I felt that showing it bothered me wouldmlead to worse harassment. 

 One day I decided I wasn't going to care about what other people thought any more.  Something changed in me and I began to stand up for myself. I was not fighting but refused to just take it.  Since then I have stepped in to help those who couldn't help themselves on multiple occasions and turned my anger from the way I was treated into kind words and a helping hand to others.  Reading this brought back lots of bad memories and I hope and pray your daughter comes out of this a stronger person with a deeper desire to be the good person helping others as that is the best way to get back at all the hatred. She has skills that will help others whether she knows it or not at this point. 

1Corinthians 10:13 says "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

Sorry for the long winded sermon. I don't intend to impress my beliefs on anyone other than the fact that if you can turn the bad into fuel for good, you will see good come from it. 

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BDSE, someday you will have a daughter or a granddaughter.   nuff said

Guys are different to a point. If a guy can't defend himself (disability, etc., I'm on his side) If he won't defend himself, that is a different story.

 

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The girls are in some trouble with the moms daughter that called us.  That mother is meeting tomorrow. We are letting that get handled and yes walking a fine line between upsetting the Applecart with daughter and school and watching out for her. We have other education plan stuff to take care of at school so one way or the other subject will be brought up at meeting.  At school when I went there you had the farm kids and city kids plus the farm kids that played football and sports. One older farm  kid who was football stud bullied everybody myself included but he married the prom queen. Got divorced after 2 kids and moved back started working for neighbor on farm to avoid child support. One of the first days he was back at farm I pulled in to talk to neighbor. He looked at me and looked at me I said hi. When he left I told neighbor that guy was a jacka— all through high school. We actually get along well now. But he had a life changing accident on the farm a couple years ago.

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One thing we drilled into our kids heads from a very young age is always look out for those that are smaller than you.

When my son was a senior in HS a girl with down syndrome started coming to our school because she was getting bullied bad at her last school. Some of the kids, my son included, went out of their way to make sure nobody messed with that little girl. She is now loved by everyone at the school and she is treated right.

Admins talk a big talk but you need a few good kids to take the lead and change some attitudes. Peer pressure applied right does some amazing things.

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13 hours ago, Ihfan4life said:

The difference between when you or I were in school we could escape this crap-

Sorry, I don't buy that for a second.

The only reason you "can't escape" in that situation is because you are ADDICTED to social media. The social media addiction is the biggest problem, not the bullying.

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28 minutes ago, Matt Kirsch said:

Sorry, I don't buy that for a second.

The only reason you "can't escape" in that situation is because you are ADDICTED to social media. The social media addiction is the biggest problem, not the bullying.

These kids live on social media today, maybe it is an addiction but when that’s how you communicate with your friends today your options are limited unless you become a recluse...today’s bullies know that and take advantage of it, you didn’t have bullies camping outside of your house when you were younger, but that’s essentially what they are doing today with how these kids communicate and interact with one another.

You are probably right about being addicted to social media, but it’s really just another tool in the toolbox for bullies 

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11 hours ago, Sledgehammer said:

I just found this thread today as I've been very busy.  As I read it a lot of things come to mind. Nobody and I mean NOBODY deserves to be treated that way.

I was picked on severely in jr high and high school because I wouldn't follow the crowd (didn't try to be different but wasn't going to do things I knew weren't right). In the mid to late 90's nobody cared about a kids feelings. I came home bleeding and bruised on multiple occasions because I refused to play football and the coach/PE teacher thought it was funny when I took elbows in the teeth, was crammed into a brick wall, or got smoked in the head with a bottle from across the room. I was always taught that judgement wasn't for me to give and I should not fight back. I would come home worried about what people thought of me but always kept my composure because I felt that showing it bothered me wouldmlead to worse harassment. 

 One day I decided I wasn't going to care about what other people thought any more.  Something changed in me and I began to stand up for myself. I was not fighting but refused to just take it.  Since then I have stepped in to help those who couldn't help themselves on multiple occasions and turned my anger from the way I was treated into kind words and a helping hand to others.  Reading this brought back lots of bad memories and I hope and pray your daughter comes out of this a stronger person with a deeper desire to be the good person helping others as that is the best way to get back at all the hatred. She has skills that will help others whether she knows it or not at this point. 

1Corinthians 10:13 says "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

Sorry for the long winded sermon. I don't intend to impress my beliefs on anyone other than the fact that if you can turn the bad into fuel for good, you will see good come from it. 

Thanks, what you said needed saying. 

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Kids basically can't afford a car or a smartphone on their own. If you want your kid to have a phone, get him or her a cheap TracFone.

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15 hours ago, exSW said:

A lot of good advise here. You said your daughter had an IEP. That means State and sometimes Federal money. There are a lot of great people in education. There are also to many that are there because they're lazy. If you're dealing with the latter make them realize they can work a little now or a whole lot later when the State and Federal people start going over them with a magnifying glass. Been there done that and the great people smiled because I made the lazy ones squirm.

That is what gets my blood boiling. They all talk about the great anti bullying stuff they initiated. My daughter has had a IEP in place since she started in the school system. It is supposed to help with physical therapy when she was younger and help with reading ability and such. This was all geared to the grade school years but now in the JR and Sr high years it seems the district is looking at her as a extra money generating system from federal government.  Every year the school district forgets to renew the IEP and is always a frantic rush to have a meeting to stay in federal compliance. At meeting years before we all would just gloss over everything and never discuss anything of great importance.the school and most of the teachers did a great job with our daughter though in her early years I will admit. They always Say she is a more unique because her disabilities don’t limit her as much as they would think so she tends to get forgotten about. Especially now with different teachers for every class. They are all supposed to meet and read and sign off IEP but none rarely do.in grade school they had 3 gym teachers come and go. We got calls or Abby got disciplined from all for not doing some excersizes she couldn’t physically do at that time.All three we had to talk to and they said sorry we didn’t know about it or read IEP. But all the federal and state funds they get she and kids like her should be the first ones protected by any policy’s. Even a couple of the grade school teachers both younger women were very bad teachers. While the rest of the staff at school was very good for her.

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There's the Verizon GizmoPal 2 watch phone for kids. Why should a kid need more phone than that when we never had a cell phone at all?

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I dont think it is a cell phone problem here. It is a parenting problem. Get involved with your kids and know what is going on.

Go get em Dale560. Start leaning hard on the parents too. Admins and board need to feel the heat too. 

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Update on this we are going to meet with school administrators next week. They were still dealing with other issues that lead up to this. One of the girls mothers called and just found out about this and apologized profusely.  She is a friend that was with the 2 girls that are at center. We are going to meet with administrators so they have an idea what is going on. And mostly that their policy is not working.

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8 hours ago, dale560 said:

That is what gets my blood boiling. They all talk about the great anti bullying stuff they initiated. My daughter has had a IEP in place since she started in the school system. It is supposed to help with physical therapy when she was younger and help with reading ability and such. This was all geared to the grade school years but now in the JR and Sr high years it seems the district is looking at her as a extra money generating system from federal government.  Every year the school district forgets to renew the IEP and is always a frantic rush to have a meeting to stay in federal compliance. At meeting years before we all would just gloss over everything and never discuss anything of great importance.the school and most of the teachers did a great job with our daughter though in her early years I will admit. They always Say she is a more unique because her disabilities don’t limit her as much as they would think so she tends to get forgotten about. Especially now with different teachers for every class. They are all supposed to meet and read and sign off IEP but none rarely do.in grade school they had 3 gym teachers come and go. We got calls or Abby got disciplined from all for not doing some excersizes she couldn’t physically do at that time.All three we had to talk to and they said sorry we didn’t know about it or read IEP. But all the federal and state funds they get she and kids like her should be the first ones protected by any policy’s. Even a couple of the grade school teachers both younger women were very bad teachers. While the rest of the staff at school was very good for her.

That IEP is all about money. When we moved to the farm from the house in town we changed States and School districts. When I enrolled my son the school secretary and I had a little chat. The IEP was conveniently forgotten. Kid performed above grade level from the getgo. IEP caught up three months later. It was hilarious. They literally had no legitimate answer as to why to carry forward with it.

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3 hours ago, new guy said:

I dont think it is a cell phone problem here. It is a parenting problem. Get involved with your kids and know what is going on.

Go get em Dale560. Start leaning hard on the parents too. Admins and board need to feel the heat too. 

I 100% agree, it’s a parenting issue.  I’ve got my fair share of spankings and ass whoopins, and I’m a better person because of it!! 

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On 9/20/2018 at 9:54 AM, Matt Kirsch said:

Kids don't know or care from lawyers, police, or other grown ups, especially ones who aren't their parents, telling them what to do. They're kids. You tell them not to do something, and they're going to do it twice as much, twice as hard, and they're clever. They'll find ways to do it discretely so they won't get caught, and deny deny deny when confronted about it.

Raising a fuss, hiring lawyers, only makes YOU feel better. Meanwhile your kid continues to get teased, and now on top of that you're embarrassing them in front of everyone by making a big stink about it.

I guess by modern standards, I was "bullied" back in school too, but we called it "teasing" and enduring it made you a stronger person. I guess I also had good support at home, not parents who wanted to hire lawyers and make a national news story out of it. Of course that wasn't even a thing in the 80's.

The light at the end of the tunnel is, these kids *WILL* grow out of it eventually. 9th grade is getting toward the end of it. By senior year, most of them will want to be her friend because they've matured.

It just really bothers me that society has "evolved" to now when you get "bullied" you're supposed to curl up in a fetal position and cry your eyes out. Whatever happened to fighting back, or better yet, learning to IGNORE it? You don't have to fight back with fists, teach her to use her WIT, if she can't just ignore it. They throw her backpack down the stairs, "Hey thanks! I was headed that way. Now I don't have to carry it!" They comment about her appearance, come back with, "I learned it by watching you!" Delivery and variety are key. Being dumb kids, they'll be like, "Huh?" and one or two of them might even be swayed by just that one witty exchange.

I read this opinion last week and honestly thought it was a bit harsh/heartless reply to O/P`s dilemma.

But I`ve thought about it/reread it a few times and the more I think about it, the more I have to agree/understand  it.

My friend is in his 50s and lives very close to a family that has the PSP in their driveway monthly if not weekly.

Jim and his family are boofers. All on SSI, drink all day/night, yell/fight/scream. 

Their dogs run loose and kill all my friends cats, chickens, ducks.

This family has ALL been in jail at least once, a couple have been jailed for years.

My friend`s wife was working her garden one day and the "head" of the boofer family walked to the property line and offered to "service" her in a way she would never forget.

She ran into the house crying and called the PSP. 

Again, they "warned" the bully to no avail. As I said before, the local and PSP had done all they could "legally"

I told my friend he had one way to resolve this and he had to do it himself.

One on one. Man to man. No witnesses and no recording devices. 

I watched from a hidden location in case things went sour. 

They did go sour, for the boofer.

The po po haven`t been there in 6 months since the "discussion" took place.

Bullies are not only in our schools. 

But we have to learn how to deal with them on our own.

 

 

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Thanks guys update on the situation. One girls parent called my wife and apologized profusely. Her daughter was just with the 2 girls that have been trouble since kindergarten. We are going in to meet with superintendent and principal on Thursday. Going to meet with them in a nice way to see if we can get this resolved and so they watch out for it in elementary school where it starts. We are beyond the stage of getting girls into trouble and what not just want school to keep an eye out for her and open up some extra cirricular activities for her even if it means hiring a chaperone to monitor teams or class.

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