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hagan

what goes wrong in a mans mind

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 Yesterday down at the highway i met a mid 90's suburban just a old looking guy that i had never seen before it looked like. Just went on my merry way and at noon when i met my daughter at the pizza hut all kinds of sheriff deputies and a ambulance was heading out of town. Bout 30 minutes later i get a phone call with "what is going on down at the lake"? 

Well after i get done eating and visiting with my daughter i head out to farm and road is blocked to lake with firemen and road is blocked off. Talk to firemen for a minute and i said i saw that suburban at about 9 this morning and the one fireman asked if there was another car also. I said i did not know.

Well come to find out later it was a suicide. the guy about my age had recently lost his job and with not much luck finding one he had became terribly depressed and had been dressing really ratty and just not doing good. Well all he did was leave his troubles to the rest of his family as he was 66 years old had a wife and at one time he was the manager of the large truck stop here north of town and did a excellent job but when it changed hands he had quit working there and went to selling fertilizer and seed. I knew Mike as we were basically the same age and i don't think he had a bad bone in his body.

I know nothing else to write as what happens to people at times?   I feel so for his family

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I really don’t know.. I just don’t know what to say, other than: to anyone reading this and battling with depression, reach out. There’s people that care about you. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. I try to let people know, if you’re dealing with depression, you can talk to me. I’m more than happy to listen and help in any way I can.

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I see a lot of despair in people nowadays, more so than I can remember.

My dentist, 63 yrs old, took his life a few months ago.

Many ideas as to why, but no proof.

I believe a faithful heart is a content heart, rich or poor.

But when the breadwinner of a family cannot even fulfill that duty, it can be overwhelming.

Despair/depression has been around for centuries, nothing new.

So very sad though...

 

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Women do it too.

I will remember this until I die or loose my memory.

I was in 5th grade at school. School was done for the day. I was on the school bus on my way home. Near the school the main railroad line between Detroit and Chicago runs. Near the railroad crossing was a Plymouth minivan with a woman standing next to it by herself. Bus driver stopped and asked if she was broke down or needed help because there is nothing around this crossing. She assured the bus driver she was fine and needed no assistance. So we went on our way.

About 20 minutes after we crossed the Amtrack that runs between Detroit and Chicago ran through there. The lady proceeded to step out in front of the train a commit suicide. There was a teacher coming down the road and saw the whole thing. It affected her for a while after witnessing that. The woman was in her 50s. Her husband had died a few months earlier from a illness and their electronics store was going under. They figured these stressers sent her off the deep end 

The only other one I know was a elderly gentleman that I worked on his tractor and lawn equipment for him. He was in his 90s and the effects of dementia started closing in. He got to where he couldn't remember how to get home and basic things like that. Sad thing was he knew it was happening and nothing could be done. New Years day 2007 he layed all his important documents out on the dinning room table. Took his old Service. 45 (Captain in the Army Air Force during WW II) left a note telling his daughter not to go out on the back porch. Just call the police. And went out and shot himself. He didn't want to live with out his mind and his freedom so he ended it.

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See it all too often.

Morticia and I are only together because we volunteered to work a shift to cover the funeral of one of our colleagues who had taken his life.

Giles Taylor's funeral was on 1st September 2009. We got engaged on 1st September 2010 and married 1st September 2011.

RIP Giles Taylor.

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I like to quote A psychiatrist Dr Harvey Banks, "no sane person ever took their own life". They were sick and should have been helped.

 

 

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Depression has to be one of the worse illnesses that someone can have. It gets worse over time and can easily be hidden by people thinking they’re not worthy. Horrible illness that doesn’t discriminate against age or gender. 

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On the other side of the coin I went through a bad patch about 18 months ago and was wondering what a rope would be like around my neck. I am thankful to Morticia for taking me to the Dr and getting the help I needed.

Please talk to someone. Seek help. When I think back that I could have left my two girls without a father I feel sick and go cold.

I don't know what else to say.

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We always ask people how they’re doing but does anyone ask how your mental health is? No, and especially men won’t open up that they are having a mental fog we think we are looked at as weak. We take tractors and combines in for maintenance/preventative maintenance why don’t we ever go to a psychologist to talk? Someone trained in the mind and brain just an unbiased opinion to help thru things. We’ll spend thousands replacing questionable wear parts on machines but what would a monthly payment to a professional really cost? 

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10 minutes ago, jass1660 said:

We always ask people how they’re doing but does anyone ask how your mental health is? No, and especially men won’t open up that they are having a mental fog we think we are looked at as weak. We take tractors and combines in for maintenance/preventative maintenance why don’t we ever go to a psychologist to talk? Someone trained in the mind and brain just an unbiased opinion to help thru things. We’ll spend thousands replacing questionable wear parts on machines but what would a monthly payment to a professional really cost? 

Very true. I think the stigma associated with mental illness is unfortunate, but very real, especially in among the manly men in rural America.

 

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43 minutes ago, jass1660 said:

We always ask people how they’re doing but does anyone ask how your mental health is? No, and especially men won’t open up that they are having a mental fog we think we are looked at as weak. We take tractors and combines in for maintenance/preventative maintenance why don’t we ever go to a psychologist to talk? Someone trained in the mind and brain just an unbiased opinion to help thru things. We’ll spend thousands replacing questionable wear parts on machines but what would a monthly payment to a professional really cost? 

True

I can float you a few bucks.  You do need help😉😉

Seriously though i always think suicide is such a selfish thing.  Leaving others in the post mess is horrible.  Several dairymen in New England have did it lately i understand.  Sure i dont know whats gonna happen if these prices dont change but leaving Honey and the girls alone sure as **** wont make their well being any better!  Met a guy few years ago, 2008, in Tulare at dinner....big dairy immigrant.  Built quite the biz.  08 prices were killing him so he signed up for the buyout.  Got his bid and would of walked away in his 50s with near 2m in his pocket.  Set letter on desk and shot himself.  Left wife in a daze, the acct, banker, and consultant asses talked her into canceling the buyout and going fwd milking 10000 cows alone.  Lost entire operation to bank by end of 09.  Prices were way worse than 08.  So now widowed and near homeless i guess.  So sad.  I think some of it is our godless society.  Everyone chasing x or y to feel something.  Not Grace and forgiveness.  Imho

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One of the misconceptions of depression is that you "Just make up your mind to feel better"   Or   "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps"      However because many depressed people have a chemical imbalance that changes the thought process, this does NOT work.        There are many avenues one can take to get help,  from the Suicide hotline, clergy the medical profession and law inforcement to local help groups.   It is a matter of asking and then accepting help.  After becoming very very angry over my wifes suicide my therapist asked  "Would you be this mad if she died of cancer?"     I thought that was a stupid question, till I thought about the nature of mental health.   Our grasp of reality can change because of changes in our brain that we dont recognize .     

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Definitely not something you just make your mind up to change and very hard to seek help if you're in that situation. 

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1 hour ago, TroyDairy said:

True

I can float you a few bucks.  You do need help😉😉

Seriously though i always think suicide is such a selfish thing.  Leaving others in the post mess is horrible.  Several dairymen in New England have did it lately i understand.  Sure i dont know whats gonna happen if these prices dont change but leaving Honey and the girls alone sure as **** wont make their well being any better!  Met a guy few years ago, 2008, in Tulare at dinner....big dairy immigrant.  Built quite the biz.  08 prices were killing him so he signed up for the buyout.  Got his bid and would of walked away in his 50s with near 2m in his pocket.  Set letter on desk and shot himself.  Left wife in a daze, the acct, banker, and consultant asses talked her into canceling the buyout and going fwd milking 10000 cows alone.  Lost entire operation to bank by end of 09.  Prices were way worse than 08.  So now widowed and near homeless i guess.  So sad.  I think some of it is our godless society.  Everyone chasing x or y to feel something.  Not Grace and forgiveness.  Imho

I remember in the eighties a very successful and prominent dairy farm around the middle of Vermont decided to sell the farm and retire- two brothers farmed all their life and well respected.

The morning of the auction one of the brothers shot himself behind his house...

The local co-op was, maybe still are, placing suicide prevention literature in with their producers milk checks

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My old pastor called suicide the cowards way out, no problem solved just kicked to someone else....

there is no shame in seeking help. Those who would shame you probably are facing the same issues...if you need it get help

Counselor, clergy, program, really good and trusted friends are all option, 

 

Flip side if somthing is off with someone you know say something to them at least just a friend or ear can really help some times...

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Sorry for your lost Gonzo . 

It's something that certain people are more prone to than others. My wife has some trouble with depression. I hope to always be there for her and notice symptoms if she is having a hard time with things. I don't really understand it much as I have a different personally. We have some family friends who's daughter took her life in her early teens. Very hard for the family is an understatement

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Something interesting on the topic of depression and the males changing modern place in America.

 

 

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Symptoms of a detached, self-important society. It's not some random bug floating around. As we become isolated and more hostile towards one another in an ever critical world, what else does anyone expect? It's funny, the more wealthy and "educated" an area, the more common suicide is. The poorer an area is, the more people have to rely on one another but also the less you see despair.

A great many I know, myself included have went through this at one point or another. God saved me and brought me through. Life's difficult but sometimes when we don't live up to our own expectations it's crushing. I know for myself I wasn't nearly as humble as I had given myself credit for. I've had more than a couple friends and even some family commit suicide. The key is communication. Pride is usually a component as well. It's good to do a job the best we can but I've seen many crack when things occur when they can't meet the standard they set for themselves. It's hard to open up when they've spent a lifetime of being self-reliant and consider a sign of weakness to ask for help.

There are good things that come from hard work and self-reliance but if we trade it in for honesty and connecting with those around us, it makes it hard.

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Many people that commit suicide are sometimes the last people anyone would think. In my family  there have been a lot unfortunately! Often times the family members who are left with the questions! How could they be so selfish? Why didn't they get help? I should have been there? Once a person decide to take their life there is no more that person will listen to anyone! No matter what they will leave behind! The person that discovers the  their body will always have that imagine for the rest of their life.

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My wife has had severe depression since our son died. I will and have done whatever it takes to help. Took her to many doctors before we found one that helps.  At one point I had to make a list of what I needed her to do daily or she would never get out of the bed. If she is not busy and has to much time to think it gets bad.  Its a never ending battle. 

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I have never dealt with a suicide first hand, but a guy near the town where I grew up, found out that he had cancer. He knew that it wasn't cure able, so he went behind the funeral home and shot him self. 

In the '80's , dad told a story of a guy that had just bought a new 8820 Deere combine. Apparently he got it stuck, and while pulling it out, pulled the back axle out from under it. He took the axle back to his shop, got the combine pulled out and managed to get it back to the shop also, then committed suicide.

I was a little kid when I heard him tell that story, and it has always stuck with me. I know that the farm economy in the '80's was very rough, because dad went through a foreclosure. He lost 1600 acres then, but still had rented ground, so he managed to buy back some of the equipment and continued farming. The first year that he didn't need an operating loan after that was 1993, we lost 80% of the crops that year to the flood. Also the house. He was depressed, don't know if he ever talked to anyone or not. I think that he threw himself into fixing the house and just moved on...

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Depression is a disease like any other serious condition. If left untreated it can be fatal.

If something aint right just tell someone.

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I have been depressed for months at a time.  Hard to deal with, hard to get out from under.  Been better last ten years since I quit drinking.  Self medicating made it worse not better, but you can't see that.

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2 minutes ago, nelson jr said:

I have been depressed for months at a time.  Hard to deal with, hard to get out from under.  Been better last ten years since I quit drinking.  Self medicating made it worse not better, but you can't see that.

People don't understand unless they have been there. They say go see a doctor or just put your head down and get back to it. Well it ain't that easy. Sounds easy but it's a hard hole to get out of. 

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Feels like an anvil around your neck, pulling you down making things darker 

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