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Oldest daughter sent me this a couple of days ago. We share a similar sense of humor.

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Never obsolete. Says so right there.

Never obsolete.jpg

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8 hours ago, Steve C. said:

Never obsolete. Says so right there.

Never obsolete.jpg

And I see this on my phone.

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Bild könnte enthalten: Text, im Freien und Natur

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Years and years ago, a congressional spelling bee was held.

The three finalists were Ted Kennedy, Bill Clinton, and Dan Quayle.

Dan Quayle won.  He was the only one who knew that "harass" is just one word.

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Checkpoint

Farmer Smith: "How is your son Jim doing in the agriculture college?"

Farmer Jones: "Okay. He recently completed a course in journalism."

Farmer Smith: "You don't say. Does he write for money?"

Farmer Jones: "Yes, indeed. I hear from him at least once a week."

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Got er done !

5a1619d89d218_facesoot.jpg.c478e832e8c18f1f871fa3bb89b4fcfa.jpg

 

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Not sure if I shared this here or not.. reguardless, it’s hilarious!

 

 I’ve watched it so many times now that I can quote it word-for-word.

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IMG_4171.JPG

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Sledgehammer:  HA  HA  HA

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A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. 
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, 
and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.


With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven?

Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife,
seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. 
The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie 
at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.


"Stay out of those," she said.


"They're for the funeral."

 

 

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17 minutes ago, MTO said:

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. 
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, 
and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.


With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven?

Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife,
seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. 
The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie 
at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.


"Stay out of those," she said.


"They're for the funeral."

 

 

That's wrong, however you made me spew water out my nose...

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A pirate with a peg leg, a hook and eye patch walked into a bar. “Why the peg leg?” asked the bartender. The pirate said, “I was swept overboard and a shark bit off my leg.” “Wow!” said the bartender. “How did you get your hook?” The pirate replied, “We were raiding a ship and a sailor cut off my hand with his sword.” “Amazing!” said the bartender. “So how did you get the eye patch?” “Got seagull poop in my eye,” answered the pirate. “You lost your eye to that?” asked the bartender. “Well,” said the pirate, “it was my first day with the hook.”

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Kein automatischer Alternativtext verfügbar.

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"Salt lake city" version of "the bachelor" the season is one episode, the girls show up, meet the guy, and the guy marries all of them.

Edited by mader656
Remove reference to a religion

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Seems apropriate in light of this....

how-react-when-one-in-the-shopusesa-harbor-freight-tool-279702.png

1205170934.jpg

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Answered an add on craigs list for a left handed Stihl chain saw.

Guy said he got it in Pa from an Amish man.

5a281d4dd73eb_Image12-6-17at10_36AM.jpg.5fa7ba6387d387739990263083527b11.jpg

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wiehochspringenziegen_580.jpg.954f3c4d508759fc9ab5b0612e8a8498.jpg

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