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Aunt Agathas Problem Page.

Sandy writes to Aunt Agatha I need your advice the other night my wife got dressed up very nice and announced she was going out with friends I asked who and was told oh no one you no and off she went this being totaly out of cachter for her any way I decided to go out to the barn and watch for her coming home duly a car arrived and i hid down behind the tractor the passanger door oppened and the interior light came on and I could see a male driver he leaned over ran his hand up her thigh and they kissed passionatley I hid lower behind tractor so as not to be seen and it was then that i noticed it a great big crack on the exhaust manifold My question is this Should I have it stiched welded or braised lookforward to you advice

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W400

Enjoyed both jokes. Keep them coming.

:):)

Bill

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Hung Chow calls his work and says, 'Hey, I no come wok

today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs

hurt, I no come wok.'.

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really

need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my

wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything

better and I go to work. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You say

and I feel Great. I be at wok soon.........You got nice house.'

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Farmer came into my bar the other night and ordered a drink.

I said "Hey i see your from Kansas"

with a suprised look he replied, "How did you know as I have never been here Before?"

I said " I saw some wheat in the mud on your boots.

Then another Farmer came in and ordered a drink.

I said "Hey i see your from Iowa"

With a suprised look he replied, "How did you know as I have never been here before?"

I said " I saw some corn in the mud on your boots".

Then another farmer came in and ordered a drink.

I said "Hey i see your from Wyoming"

With a suprised look he replied, "How did you know as I have never been here before?'

I said " I saw the wool in your zipper.

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A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand.

He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

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A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand.

He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

LOL, Never saw that coming.

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MEDICARE COVERAGE IN A NUTSHELL


The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

''Mrs. Sanders, please."

... ''Speaking."

''Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.

When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week,

a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now

uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way,

the results are not too good."

'What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the

other one tested positive for HIV(AIDS). We can't tell which is which."

''That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.

"Normally we can, but Obamacare will only pay for these expensive

tests one time."

''Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

''The folks at Obamacare recommend that you drop your husband off

somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't

sleep with him."

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John Hinckley's pending release from prison a must read. . .











You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in 1981. Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster and, in his twisted mind, loved Jodie to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.






There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you will appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley. We could all learn so much from this elegant and gracious lady:











To: John Hinckley






From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan











My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.






In our country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know that we bear no grudge against you for shooting Ronnie.






We are fully aware that mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We're confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive man.











Best wishes,






Nancy Reagan & Family





P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.




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LIke!!!

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Did y'all hear about dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He laid awake all night pondering the existence of dog.

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John Hinckley's pending release from prison a must read. . .

You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously derangedyoung man who shot President Reagan in 1981. Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster and, in his twisted mind, loved Jodie to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.

There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you will appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley. We could all learn so much from this elegant and gracious lady:

To: John Hinckley

From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan

My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.

In our country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know that we bear no grudge against you for shooting Ronnie.

We are fully aware that mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We're confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive man.

Best wishes,

Nancy Reagan & Family

P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.

I loved that joke!!!

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This was a good idea Steve! You guys got some knee-slappers!

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Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best.

Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse!
I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect!
I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty trash bag people.

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"No joke"

A woman not far from here in 2010 was tired of fighting with her live in boyfriend. She put anti freeze in his bottle of margurietta cocktail mix. He died. She actually got away with it and moved to Florida. Months later the dummy bragged to a friend how she had killed her boyfriend. The friend (????) blew the murderess in to the law. She now resides in the NYS Prison System. Oh yes! After being arrested the lady basically said she didn't know the gun was loaded. Seems she just wanted to make the man sick, not kill him. Right, tell me another one.

More recently a gal in the next county pushed hubby down the stairs, killikg him. She hid the body for a time, then eventually cut it into pieces and transported it in the trunk of her car to her Mothers place 12 miles away. There she creamated the remains in Ma's burn barrel. Her story was that Hubby just up and left her. It is likely she would have gotten away with the crime, except the dead mans parents kept pushing the police to keep the case open. They knew their son well enough to know he would not ever just up and disapear.

The point of all of this??? The last joke brought these to mind.

Bottom line----Look out fellas. They are out there. Best to try to stay on friendly terms.

End of hijack..........

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"No joke"

A woman not far from here in 2010 was tired of fighting with her live in boyfriend. She put anti freeze in his bottle of margurietta cocktail mix. He died. She actually got away with it and moved to Florida. Months later the dummy bragged to a friend how she had killed her boyfriend. The friend (????) blew the murderess in to the law. She now resides in the NYS Prison System. Oh yes! After being arrested the lady basically said she didn't know the gun was loaded. Seems she just wanted to make the man sick, not kill him. Right, tell me another one.

More recently a gal in the next county pushed hubby down the stairs, killikg him. She hid the body for a time, then eventually cut it into pieces and transported it in the trunk of her car to her Mothers place 12 miles away. There she creamated the remains in Ma's burn barrel. Her story was that Hubby just up and left her. It is likely she would have gotten away with the crime, except the dead mans parents kept pushing the police to keep the case open. They knew their son well enough to know he would not ever just up and disapear.

The point of all of this??? The last joke brought these to mind.

Bottom line----Look out fellas. They are out there. Best to try to stay on friendly terms.

End of hijack..........

I've dates a couple of those women!

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A seed salesman pulls into the barn lot and asked the farmer if he could use any seed today? Farmer replys to the saleman: If he could help him out he would buy ANY seed he had. Salesman asked: What seems to be the trouble today?

Farmer answers Well I was trying to milk the cow today.When I got down on my stool and started to milk the cow kicked the milk bucket half way across the barn,so I got a rope and tied that left leg to the side of the barn and proceeded to go to milking again when she took her right leg and managed to kick me off the stool,so I got another rope and tied off her right leg tight to the right side of the barn,proceeded AGAIN to start milking and she took her tail,slung it throught he bucket and right up side of my head!!! At this point I was REALLY MAD!!! I went and got a straw bale,put behind her legs and got up on it to tie her tail up to the rafter and my wife walks in.

Mr,If you can explain to my wife I was just trying to "MILK" that cow,I will buy ALL the seed you have!!! ;)

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"Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" asked the Wife.

"No," said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage And pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

"Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?" she asked.

"Uh, no," he said.

She gave him another sexy little smile,seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.

"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 30,000 dollars all crumpled up?"

"No," he said, now really intrigued

"Well go look in the garage..."

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A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West.

The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition.

'Do you think you could give me some tips?' he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.

'Sure will,' replied the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

'That's terrific!' said the hot shot.. 'Got any more tips for me?'

'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw'.

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the younger man.

'You bet it will, ' said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cuff-link off the piano player.

'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?'

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner.

'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.'

The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.

'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your A$$, and it won't hurt near as much.

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An old farmer was walking down the path to the pond when he spotted a bullfrog. He reached down and grabbed the frog and started to put him in his pocket when the bullfrog said,"Kiss me on the lips and I will turn into the most beautiful woman in the world." Again the old farmer started to put the frog in his pocket. The frog asked,"Didn't you hear what I said ?"

The farmer looked at the frog and said," At my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

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A newlywed couple moves into their new house.

One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"

The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?

" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"

He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"

Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"

He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"

The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car.

He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says.

"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.

Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."

"Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.

"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

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Have you ever wondered why there are so many

John Deere tractors at the antique tractor shows?

They made antiques 20 years longer than anyone else.

Ha! Ain't that a true fact!

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Here is two different stories...

A Farmall 350 is run into by a Dodge...

The Dodge lost the following fight...

A JD 770 is run into by a Dodge....

The JD was KIA on impact....

Moral of these two scenarios... DON'T BUY JDs!!!

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A blonde had became very tire of being referred to as a dumb blonde so she colored her hair brown. So with becoming a brunette she thought she was much smarter. She was taking a relaxing drive in the country one day and seen a farmer out in a field with his sheep. She stopped to watch the farmer and thought the sheep was very cute being all white and fluffy. She asked the farmer if she could correctly guess how many sheep he had could she have one. With the farmer being a gambler himself he said sure that would be fine. After a few seconds she looked at him and said 199. The farmer was surprised when she had guessed the exact number, and told her to pick one out. She loaded one in her car and was telling the farmer thanks when he said lady if I can correctly guess your true hair color can I have my dog back.

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Warning, another chicken joke. I told you I would wait awhile.

Little Johnny was in school and his teacher asked the class what their favorite animal was. Little Johnny raised his hand and answered Fried Chicken. Teacher got mad and said that is not a good answer, go to the Principals office.

Little Johnny explained to Principal what happened and didn't see what was so wrong about his answer ? Principal laughed and said teacher probably just eats vegetables and doesn't like idea you have to kill the chicken to make fried chicken. Go back to class and be careful how you answer her from now on.

Next day the Teacher asked a more specific question. What is your favorite LIVE animal ? Little Johnny raised his hand again and said, Chicken. Teacher asked why is Chicken your favorite animal ? Johhny said because I really like fried chicken and it takes a live chicken before you can have fried chicken. Teacher got really mad this time and sent him to Principal again. The Principal laughed again but warned Johnny not to answer any more of teachers animal questions.

The next day the teacher decided not to ask any more animal questions. So she asked who is your favorite person ? Johnny was glad question was not about animals so he raised his hand again. When teacher called on him, Johhny's answer was Colonel Sanders is my favorite person.....

Johnny wants you to guess what office he is sitting in again ? :)

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