MTO

A lost trait...

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I can still pick up on unusual things/habits/traits at my age.

One annoying thing to me, being in a "people" business, is people who have lost the art/ability/courage to make eye contact during a conversation.

WTH is that all about?

Are they afraid?

Are they lying?

Are they bashful?

Am I ugly?... don`t answer that.

It is VERY noticeable in young people but even older people have become very evasive about looking at whoever they are talking to.

I make it a point to ask "what?" if they talk and don`t look at me then they become VERY antsy.

Maybe to many anti-depressant patients...

But then I have this one guy my age that talks REAL loud/has WIDE open eyes and gets right in your face smiling when he talks. 

I do the exact same thing back at him and he asks me why I am doing that! 

Just another weird observation of mine I guess...

 

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They cant look at your face because they're starring at their phone. I get after my 12yr old brother in law and tell him to look at the person he is talking to. Drive me up the wall when people talk to you and don't look at you. 

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9 minutes ago, BOBSIH856 said:

They cant look at your face because they're starring at their phone. I get after my 12yr old brother in law and tell him to look at the person he is talking to. Drive me up the wall when people talk to you and don't look at you. 

That's what I was going to say......

And common courtesy is out the window these days.

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we are near Michigan tech here in the Keweenaw and this is a normal action

they look at their shoelaces wile talking to you.

a really out going stuident looks at your shoelaces wile talking to you.:P

Mike.

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It isn't just you MTO.  I called a gentleman about something I saw on CL recently.  He couldn't believe it when I asked if he would rather a phone call or text in the future.  He said he would rather talk on the phone and I told him I was that way also but wanted to check with him for future negotiation.  A little rapport can go a long way trying to do a deal.  

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It's a trait that has to be taught. I have to work with my kids on it and I remember my parents having to convey that to me. Depending on where you are from there are some areas where making eye contact can be perceived as a personal challenge. If you don't know how to deal with I can see it. Overall just a lot of timid people. Eye contact and intent require caring for more than just yourself and desiring to communicate with someone. A lot of kids are being left to fend for themselves more or less. And these days you can't tell anyone anything without it being an argument.

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It doesn't necessarily mean they are lying or shy or anything like that. It just simply docent really matter any more in my opinion.

I think there is a general miss trust or perhaps a self defense behavior built into people these days that causes them to keep their distance until  they get to know you better.

I'm no Psychiatrist by any stretch of the imagination so this is just my opinion.

 

But hey you said yourself you might be scary to look at.:o

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I can't say I've ever really noticed it here. Everyone I've talked to has no problem looking you in the eye. 

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2 hours ago, Nebraska Cowman said:

I notice it alot.  If it really bothers me I say, "Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you."

Yep. That`s what Dad would say when I was getting an a$$ chewing...

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I constantly tell my grandson about looking people in the eye------and how there is no substitute for a firm handshake and eye contact.

It's a changing world for sure.  In my dad's later years-----he lost sight in one eye.  His comment was that he thought maybe he had already lived too long------that he thought he might be seeing too much with one eye.

The longer I live-------the better I understand what he was talking about (and I am having to suffer through today's world with two eyes).:blink:

 

DD

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I've come to realize there are some things you cannot un see like green hair, and some tattoos, or lack of clothing a trip to Wal-Mart for another. I'm constantly on my son's case about eye contact and looking me in the face while talking to me as I don't hear as well as most any more {too much noise from machinery} and have learned to somewhat read lips and farcical expressions to understand what's being said especially women! {did I just say that out loud?} russ   

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 I have always believed in a firm handshake and look straight in the eyes .

      We have had this discussion with in family circles and they tell me : You have lot of self confidence and are not intimidated with strangers.

         I cannot believe that statement!

          Because I always felt inferior in education and good looks , & popularity, Business , But what propels me is ,"the happy to meet you" and yes," what you see is what you get and I have nothing to hide"

    My wife does not feel comfortable in crowds and crowds do not intimated me because I love people in general , but not all people in particular!

   I think lot of people now days  grow up with no confidence or self worth. Because society today makes them feel like just a number.

    This why I value rural living because kids have opportunities to make decisions and  do things on their own, and see real life taking place along with nature's order. IE. animal birth, death , seeds growing, harvest,  Natures disasters. and so on.

      Just my two cents,

        Tony 

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1 hour ago, Delta Dirt said:

I constantly tell my grandson about looking people in the eye------and how there is no substitute for a firm handshake and eye contact.

It's a changing world for sure.  In my dad's later years-----he lost sight in one eye.  His comment was that he thought maybe he had already lived too long------that he thought he might be seeing too much with one eye.

The longer I live-------the better I understand what he was talking about (and I am having to suffer through today's world with two eyes).:blink:

 

DD

  That last sentence is my sentiments exactly !!!!!!!!

      Tony

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I've noticed that the farther east I get the less likely the person is to make eye contact or take initave in a conversation, to the point I felt bullheaded just being myself, and I don't feel all that forthcoming in a conversation. 

But your right...

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I'm going to subdivide this out further.

First off, It doesn't matter to me either way. I've met people who could look you in the eye and be the biggest liar and crook around. I've also met people who couldn't look someone in the eye yet be extremely honest. The only difference was their actions which speak louder than the looking someone in the eye or not. 

Like RCB said in some areas eye contact is deemed a challenge. Quite often in urban lower class areas. I see this style firsthand from the town where I live near. The town the is technically my address is basically a minturare version of Detroit complete with the ghetto attitude that goes with. I ended up going to school here because it was our district, School of Choice hadn't been passed yet and there was no way my family could afford any type of private school. The no eye contact with anyone unless you were close with them was not only a way of life but also a way to keep out of trouble. I had to learn both ways to go about daily life around here though since I've gotten out of school I do more looking in the eyes than I did before but when I'm in town for something I have to revert back to this behavior.

A number of those that have posted on being offended by this behavior probably tend to reside in more rural areas without the predominantly low class ghetto attitude that some other areas like mine have. Some of you may or may not have been exposed to the other side of the coin so to speak. I just decided to post a alternative view on the subject to show that their may be more to the story than what meets the eye sometimes. 

 

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36 minutes ago, Reichow7120 said:

Some of you may or may not have been exposed to the other side of the coin so to speak. I just decided to post a alternative view on the subject to show that their may be more to the story than what meets the eye sometimes

Gotta concur 110% with you!  Spent  a good while in the military, both as an enlisted man and as an officer, then on the airline flew out of several domiciles(crew bases), Chicago/Madison/Minneapolis/Detroit/Memphis/Boston and Los Angeles.

best, randy

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13 hours ago, tony in ca. said:

 I have always believed in a firm handshake and look straight in the eyes .

      We have had this discussion with in family circles and they tell me : You have lot of self confidence and are not intimidated with strangers.

         I cannot believe that statement!

          Because I always felt inferior in education and good looks , & popularity, Business , But what propels me is ,"the happy to meet you" and yes," what you see is what you get and I have nothing to hide"

    My wife does not feel comfortable in crowds and crowds do not intimated me because I love people in general , but not all people in particular!

   I think lot of people now days  grow up with no confidence or self worth. Because society today makes them feel like just a number.

    This why I value rural living because kids have opportunities to make decisions and  do things on their own, and see real life taking place along with nature's order. IE. animal birth, death , seeds growing, harvest,  Natures disasters. and so on.

      Just my two cents,

        Tony 

Nailed it.

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On 10/26/2017 at 7:24 PM, Sledgehammer said:

It isn't just you MTO.  I called a gentleman about something I saw on CL recently.  He couldn't believe it when I asked if he would rather a phone call or text in the future.  He said he would rather talk on the phone and I told him I was that way also but wanted to check with him for future negotiation.  A little rapport can go a long way trying to do a deal.  

I agree 100% with this.

But my super cynical side says to confirm a verbal negotiation with either a text or email.

That way you have something concrete to fall back on. Maybe I don't trust anyone these days or maybe other people cannot be relied upon?

Maybe I've done my job too long and it's affecting my view of humanity?

It's drummed into us at work, "If it's not written down, it didn't happen."

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3 hours ago, Pid 1831 said:

I agree 100% with this.

But my super cynical side says to confirm a verbal negotiation with either a text or email.

That way you have something concrete to fall back on. Maybe I don't trust anyone these days or maybe other people cannot be relied upon?

Maybe I've done my job too long and it's affecting my view of humanity?

It's drummed into us at work, "If it's not written down, it didn't happen."

Agree, if there is no documentation it is hard to figure what happened or who is responsible. I too will confirm a verbal agreement with an e mail or text.

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Here in MN it's offensive to look at the person while talking to them.

I can't find the right video, but the same guy explains how you stand 90° to each other and look off in the distance while never looking at each other while having a conversation. It's pretty hilarious and so true.

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That video is hilarious!

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It seems we actually talk like that around here. My grandfather whenever asked how he’s doing has said. “I’m still alive” 

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Or the old "If I was any better, I couldn`t stand it"

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But the Minnie-Soda accent sure beats the crap they slobber in Boston!

I love to watch the projects they get into on "This Old House" but that slobbering they speak makes me either turn the channel or mute the volume. "Bastin"

Sorry Seth...

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